She Didn't have to die

I’m going to try and share with you a 14 year journey through a Demonic disease that literally changed every facet of Our lives together. The Primary purpose of these pages is to Give you a crystal clear view of what The Cancer Battle will involve when its your turn. Many of your friends already know the cost to this disease. And the numbers are growing Daily. Hospitals are constantly growing, and the new cancer wings now support free Valet service and automatic revolving doors. It’s big business, and it’s getting bigger. Did you ever think of how many folks would be out of work if we actually did find a cure for cancer ?


I’ll go out on a short limb here. When it’s all said and done, Nutrition will be found as both cause and cure for cancer and many other diseases.

I titled this, “She Didn’t have to die” to try and convince you that there is a way to greatly increase your chances of surviving cancer as well as other nasty diseases. . But you need to address it now. Jenny’s struggle covered many days and much pain and discomfort. It took me through experiences I never want to see again. After many calls from folks asking for help with their own cancer struggles I felt the need to share her ordeal. Many times at her side I prayed silently that God would be merciful and take her home rather than hear her cries and stand there helpless to even ease the pain of the wife of my youth. This is life, as real as it gets. There’s no turning back, no flippin the channel. Each day will begin with new challenges weather your ready or not. I’m here to say to you, You have a choice, you can address your health issues now, or wait to hear A Doctor change your life, and your dreams by simply saying three little words.



SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO DIE



It’s been only 14 months since Jenny’s passing. Seems like a lifetime. since those days of struggle. Life’s taken some turns I never figured on but all in all it has begun to level off pretty fair. Some of the Hard spots hang close, but many of the painful memories have faded back to blend in with the stuff of life. Crystal, my youngest, nailed it proper by saying, ”daddy, Normal’s never coming back, we need to seek a new normal and get on with life”. That statement has served us well. Tragedy can mess things up and confuse even the smallest decisions, and you need a very firm motivator to get you started back on a positive road. Her statement helped me replant my feet and realize that life was movin forward with or without me.

So we began again, rebuilding our Family, fitting things back together , recreating and patching a very big bruise that tried very hard to destroy us all. Everyone knew Mom was not coming back. What we did know was that now she rested at the feet of Jesus, we also knew that the Cancer that had tortured every waking moment of the last 14 years could no longer hurt her. And the Demon that had attached itself to us both had finally lost its grip .

Last Monday was a beautiful Minnesota summer day. Warm and bright, with no commitments. The sun perfect for just about anything you could think of doing. I woke early with visions of a soft warm sandy riverbank and some serious Walleye ‘jiggin dancing through my mind. I put a pot of coffee on to brew, always step one for any new day and proceeded to gather my gear . The Girls used to have a fit if they saw the Leeches sitting in the fridge next to the milk or catsup. . But I’m batchin it now so those lil buggers can stay nice n fresh in there until Jesus comes, or until its time to hook that Trophy Fish. A fresh coffee in hand, I flipped the computer on to check the mail before leaving. A familiar name popped up in e-mail with another request. A neighbor, Mandy with a plea for help. Mandy’s brother is struggling with stage 4 cancer and the Nausea and constipation are adding to the misery and discomfort of an already Nasty disease. Could I suggest something else they could try because nothing is working. Memories of many similar nights n days flooded back in for me, bringing with it the anxiety and frustration and fears of fighting a silent, invisible enemy. An uncaring, deceptive killer that takes great joy in coming at you in the dark. I cant even describe for you the guilt that builds around seeing my wife battle horrible pain and agony while I was “allowed” to be there and avoid it all. There is no winner here. The caregiver dies his/her own death daily. I’m honestly not sure which is best, to succumb to the disease, or carry the memories and live on with the guilt and shock of a journey through hell itself. .

We had talked before and Mandy knew I had gone through the same battles with my wife. She was just reaching out as I had done so many times before, hoping someone could say or do something to ease that pain and just allow her to rest. . There are only so many things to try. You cant go to the book and look up what to do, because there are none. When that Doctor makes the decision that treatment is over and you need to go home to die. You begin the last stage of Cancer, the one that’s has no plan, no procedure. And for the most part, this is the part you get to do alone. If your patient is seeing little people peaking out from behind the TV, you’d better figure a way to make them hide because this is the real deal. She see’s little men, this is her drug induced world. Unless you help her reason through her fear I’ll guarantee it will ramp and then the issue gets compounded. You learn very quickly that it’s best to deal with what you have where you find it You learn very quick that this is your gig. Either you remedy it or it will dog you until you do. That charge Nurse, the one that’s just a call away . ,,,,My Foot. Your sometimes lucky to get a call back the same day you call. Meanwhile, The issues you face are all yours. Jenny was on many meds. I’m not sure how many because they were adding or subtracting constantly. But I created a 3 tier table next to her bed that was always full. Four times a week medicines were delivered. And the emergency Meds that were in the fridge were dumped and rotated every month.. They were there to counteract reactions, seizures, problems caused by the interaction of other Meds. . When a person is consuming all those different chemicals, synthetics and compounds, plus huge doses of morphine anything can and will happen. And I’m here to tell you there’s not a Doctor alive smart enough to tell you how anyone’s gonna react on that much “stuff” .

While we were paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Medical folks for all those great meds, I was busy trying to save a buck at home. Part of my frugality led me to burn wood. Burning Wood meant splitting wood. I could not leave jenny for very long so a good friend and I commenced to split wood just outside jenny’s window. I strapped on a walkie talkie so I could check on her often and we got at it.

We were hurrying, making good time and had almost finished when I smashed my finger in the wood splitter, taking the finger off at the first knuckle. I was leakin pretty good and I began to calculate how much time I had. . Being out in the country I needed to get to help fairly soon or bleed to death. So I ran inside to run cold water over the hand to slow the flow of blood. I told Jenny to call her daughter who lived up the road and tell her she needs to come here quickly and take her Mums care while I went in to the Doctor. I played down the incident because of the drugs, It didn’t take much sometimes for her to have trouble processing things like that. Long story a bit shorter , while Mom n daughter were discussing which finger I smashed they discovered the end of my finger was still in my glove laying by the sink.. I put it in a sandwich baggie and tossed in the freezer and told everyone I was gonna sell it on Ebay. That got a lotta laughs. Why not. It was my finger and it hurt like hell. I may as well find a bit of humor to top it off.

Well, If nothing else, a cute story and a great lesson about hurrying. When I went in for the amputation I was told to go home n rest. We chuckled at that because we both knew there would be no rest. Jenny and I were alone. And we each had a job to do. So for the next few days I became a one handed caregiver.

Now,, your probably thinking that I lost my train of thought and I’ve gone off on some tangent hoping you’d feel a bit sorry for me, but your wrong. I was given Hydrocodon at 500 mg for the pain of that missing finger, and it did Fairly well in easing my stress. The comparison is Jenny was on a full Morphine drip , with a boost and still ate 750 mg Hydro’s like candy. There was so much drug in her body that it was very hard to see her real Caricature at all. It wasn’t long and I too lost at least part of my caricature. And to be truthful there were times I considered drugs or booze to take the edge off for myself. Two rooms became our world 24/7. Two rooms filled with a mixture of sounds. the whirring oxygen, the hissing of a flotation mattress the beeping of Morphine pumps all vying for equal time with the TV. And in the midst of it all, We just existed to the demands set before us.

We know the world was out there still doin their thing, still laughing, going shopping, to movies, visiting friends. And we still remembered being a part of it all. But we were not a part of it now. Our world ended at the front door.

WE HAVE A DUTY TO SHARE



So, when Mandy called , She was reaching. there’s no mistaking that feeling of desperation and of all the feelings that life can toss at you, watching someone die, inch by painful inch is one of the most helpless things to encounter. You get to be there. And You get to read the signs. But it becomes a very fearful and lonely place that you cant understand or participate in.

I sat down and began to relive those days, trying to extract things n stuff that might help. Yes, things n stuff. If you’re reading this, and your deal or your thing is perfection your in for a real ride. I’m not here to impress anyone. I’m here to tell a story that is packed full of life’s Keys. Don’t miss nuggets of truth that can and will get you to a healthy place and keep you safe by watching for my mistakes, I’m a very simple man, definitely not a writer. I couldn’t impress you if I wanted too. I already know my kids are gonna have a field day with “Dads writin’, that seems to be one of their fun little things to bug me with.

There is intrinsic Value in the things I’m sharing. Things that can only be learned through experience. But priceless For you, the reader if your able to use common sense and think outside the box a bit. . I’ll just keep it simple I sometimes talk fast; you’ll have to listen fast. If you finish before me, just wait I will get there eventually. A sense of humor has carried me a long time, sometimes overbearing maybe, but laughter is a very healthy habit so bear with me. and I have no plans to change.

Much happened during Jenny’s struggle That can help others. What better way would there be to place value on all her suffering then to use it as a tool against the very disease that took her life. When this young lady called with a need for help with her brothers cancer it convinced me That I needed to write this. When Jenny was dying, I would have emptied our savings for just one positive idea to try. That is the target of these pages, to help in any way I can. To meet the person locked in to a caregivers spot with absolutely no idea what to try next. I’ve been there, I have carried that heavy yoke. If I could go back to those first years. And put into play all these Ideas, I think Jenny would still be here. Don’t get me wrong I honor my Lord. And its appointed onto man Once to die. But Many, many times the wrong information causes us to follow the wrong path. When you know the Savior you understand that death is but a doorway to a promised reward. So its all good. But God wants us to live peacefully and disease free while we are here as well.

As I began to drag back those day, reliving the times when Jenny lay suffering. The weight of three plus years as her caregiver settled in with a heaviness that threatened to suffocate me. I shared with Mandy the guessing game that played out with each new day, and how sounds and smells would determine what we could n couldn’t do. One day frying an egg would make her sick and the very next day she would crave them. And how interestingly, raw foods were almost always acceptable. Jenny was bedridden, so Constipation was always an issue requiring daily Enemas producing very little relief. Cancer tumors had created pressure inside her, giving her constant discomfort. It made her feel full of pressure and she felt the need to empty out. Many times, often more than once a day, after the pain and embarrassment of being lifted on a Hoyer lift and hung in her sling to tolerate the enema, with no positive results she would hang there and sob while I stood helplessly at her side. . We are taught to be hunter/gatherer, protectors of the weaker sex, a force in husbandry that she can always count on. But Cancer does not know those rules. It will seek you out and make you feel very very helpless.

Some days id hear her cry and all I could do was close my eyes and clinch my fists against an invisible enemy I could not find. This enemy does not face you., like a Ghostly Thief, he comes to destroy, then disappears to find another victim. Many many days in total defeat she would have to be lifted back to bed to deal with the same discomfort while I was allowed to roam fully functional.. Some days the guilt of being able to freely go to the bathroom, while she couldn’t, hung so heavy I didn’t even want to try. I’d turn up the TV rather than let her hear the toilet flush. Reliving those days were not easy, but a friend needed help, and if it offered something positive then we needed to go there. I went into this a man of very strong Faith, I came out the other side a very beaten man, unsure of even those things that had seemed unshakable. Today I once again have great love for my Lord, who has not only restored my faith but helped me grow and has givin reason for everyone of those horrible days. We easily forget the Curse of Adam. God is Sovereign, and this world is set to function under his laws and even He cannot change them until He once again takes his place .

There remains a place deep in my chest where all those memories swirl n boil. If I chose to go there it’s a strange place. Deep and dark holding no good thing. A part of me deep down inside there always feels like crying , but it wont come , sometimes wish I could just force it to get it over with, but its not that easy,. It lays unshaken, and will not leave. So I chose to keep it buried, deep enough so the busyness of present day life overshadows it. Unless of coarse it can be used to help others.

God has created an amazing system, and you’ll find that each and every time life takes you through something you’ll gain wisdom and as well as be able to use this new knowledge either in your life or to help others.

Cancer took Jenny and I on a long journey that ended by the cancer consuming her life. On June 14th of 2009 I stood and watched as her battle ended and she went to be with the Lord. After 3 horrible years of suffering She could finally be at peace. when Mandy called today, it was made crystal clear to me that although jenny’s battle is over, there are others in struggle every day, And although the names will change the battle will be the same as will all the hurts and fears. It’s because of those folks that this needs to be written.

ITWON’T HAPPEN TO ME



I was caregiver to my wife of 42 years. Did I wanna run? Yu bet, every other day. But I could not go. Call it my vows. Call it as you see it, but I knew I needed to be there. Something deep inside said this is your place . My support person was in place. My Sister’s Covered for me so I could get a break. And it felt good to be able to get away. To just jump in the car for a couple hours to get groceries or do laundry. But always there was an ever present draw to return.

There’s something very Evil about Cancer. Just the mention of the word creates a silent deadly chill to creap inside you. . Many people will not even discuss it for the fear it has placed on their lives. It has been the driving force that has totally controlled every facet of our lives for over a decade. It has done its best to uproot and destroy every member of this family from the young on up.

1996 was a year of great change for us. Jenny was working, I was working, the farm was starting to pay off and life was pretty good. Plans to upgrade and a vacation was even in the mix. . A new Van had been purchased that turned heads at every corner. We were styling, movin ahead with life. Seemed that those first years of Marriage were now behind us, and the struggle to get the bills paid, iron out the wrinkles and get organized had finally arrived.

One morning before work Jenny found a small bump on her right breast, hardly even noticeable but enough so she was concerned. A trip to the Doc followed then a referral to the Cancer folks with a reassuring comment that “ I doubt its anything , but lets be safe”.

I think it was April 15th, The Biopsy results came back and literally destroyed our lives completely. Cancer was found in the Biopsy and surgery was scheduled for the next afternoon.

Work was sandwiched in between doctor visits and treatments, sometimes every other day. Each one adding an 80 mile round trip to our day. The Farm became just a place to sleep and seek refuge. Fun plans, movies and Vacations were out of the picture.

Life was traded for a relay, each day drivin by the appointment Calendar that now dictated our very existence. Radiation and Chemo in tandem for a time then rest to see what would happen.

Double Mastectomy followed,, then recovery just long enough to tolerate Reconstruction of the breast Area. Months of pain while the ‘inserts” created pressure in the chest to try and reshape her body. Then more surgery to mask or recreate “boobs’. For all you ladies who are trying to buy into the Idea that the docs going to give you back what God created, drop me a line. I don’t think jenny would mind if I show you a butchered female chest if it helped you think again. Its interesting to note that Jenny and two friends compared their “results” after surgery and were seriously considering going after the butcher disguised as a Doctor. Luckily for him the cancer took precedence in outlasting the statue of limitations.

As I recall all that crap took us into 1998 where we enjoyed some brief semi- normal days. They promised her “They got it all” and we were celebrating life again, returning every 6 months to be tested.

September 2001 Tumor markers indicated increased activity So Chemo was started again. Jenny was strong and tolerated it well, even able to joke about the hair loss, most always in control of the nausea. We moved forward, you tried to find normal but the hours that were yours were tainted and controlled by treatments, sickness or soreness. Blood tests created numbers, and numbers meant markers, and Tumor Markers decided when and where our lives would go.

If a Giant were to grab you and lead your life, like a piece on a game board, or a puppet, drivin by strings. It would be no different. We were puppets, we didn’t need our intellect, we just did what the Doctor said because He was the Doctor and we came and went as he instructed. We would leave the house in the morning with Jen feeling half human, do treatment then stop every few miles on the way home so she could deal with the sickness and vomiting. A hundred times I saw her to sick to move, then snap out of it if the kids showed up. She did not want them to see the suffering. During her last days, she would tell me not to let the kids come over, to tell them she was sleeping heavily



STINKIN THINKIN

.

God gave us all a light bulb. You didn’t know that did you. For some it lights quickly, for others a little bump helps. It gives us back our intellect, our ability to reason and think for ourselves. Common sense is buried in there too, although today you really have to look close to see it still in use. Jenny’s cancer battle was a long struggle, but much was learned along the way. And as the treatments showed us very little gain it caused us to reach out and seek new wisdom if we could find it.

I have very little respect for Conventional Medical folks. But that’s a whole book in itself. As we searched and found good sound information regarding issues of health. We would apply it to our lives. We stopped the sugared drinks and began drinking clean filtered water. Cancer feeds on sugar and it causes the immune system to drag. Diet drinks were tried but then when we read up on Aspartame and the other Sugar subs we quickly decided that if it was a” suspected “Carcinogen that was close enough for us. From there it was the MSG in processed foods and soon processed foods needed to be eliminated all together . I went from being surprised about her picking up the cancer, to wondering how anyone can avoid it. I approached Jenny’s Expert Cancer Specialist with a very simple question. If the body is designed to function on fuel, and food is that fuel, Why is food not even addressed as a healing factor in treatment of most cancer facilities ? The profound answer I received from this” Specialist”was,,,,,,”Yes,,,well,, I ‘ve been told they are going to address that in the new cancer wing”. This literally blew me away. This was the Man who was “Educated” in Medical knowledge And specializing in Cancer treatment an the top dog in charge of care for my wife. . How could this even be?? What we discovered was most every Medical College is fully funded by the Major Drug Companies, and these “Doctors” are “educated “in a Very select Manor. I’m 63 yrs old and I’ve never seen “samples” tossed around as freely as they are now in Doctors offices. To date, we have walked through the doors of that new Cancer Wing almost Weekly since 2004 and the very most they offer is a protein drink to fight Nausea, Oreo cookies full of sugar chocolate milk full of BHG and Sierra mist Another powerful Sugar drink. I’m told some drinks have like 12 spoonfuls of sugar in them. All contain loads of sugar, and cancer loves sugar. You do however get free Valet service so you don’t have to miss any appointments. Isn’t that thoughtful.



IT”S TIME TO THINK FOLKS



You’ve been sold a bill of goods, and it is deception 101 from one end of the block to the other. The sooner you get over it, the sooner you’ll be able to use your light bulb. And the sooner you use your light bulb the sooner you’ll realize that processed foods are causing most of the bad stuff your dealin with. But until then, Until a tragedy occurs to make you stop and see where you’re headed, nothing is gonna change for you. I’m convinced of that. Over four years ago, as we were discovering all of this, I got excited. We were so thrilled to finally put reason to this horrible disease that I wanted to share the good news. I was caregiver, locked in with my wife 24/7. Why not start a Blog and tell folks about the poisons, let them know that things like Formaldehyde were being used in their soaps, shampoo’s, even baby foods and it was a suspected cancer causing agent . So day after day in between the medications, Enemas, and treatments, I was writing articles and posting them, so folks would see what’s happening. It was fun at first as I imagined we were opening peoples eyes, helping them skirt the hole that dragged us in so deep. A few posted a thank you, We even received an award for the Blog once or twice. But a huge reality began to set in. We weren’t even making a dent. People did not believe, or didn’t care. An old Preacher coined a phrase that fits well here. “you gotta have a want too””. I think what we are seeing is life’s just to busy to allow time to think. No one saw a need until They received the bad news. All of this is good solid information on how to stay health and avoid crippling diseases. What other reasoning would work? But you have to get hit with a blockbuster in order to give attention to the important things. A new job, meeting the Mortigage, that new boat. That’s all nice stuff,,,but its just stuff. It all goes away if your heart stops. And sometimes cancer can drag that out for years.

Somewhere around 2002 we decided to try Cancer Treatment Centers of America. One phone call and we were booked on a flight to Zion Illinois where we were treated to a 10 day stay while she was evaluated. The Hotel was paid in full, and we were picked up each morning in a huge white stretch Limo and dropped off in the same way at days end. We met at least 4 or five different drivers there. and the Cafeteria never closed offering an endless supply of fatty foods, bacon, pork chops, sweet drinks packed with sugars or aspartame , a well known suspected Carcinogen and a fancy mix of processed foods, all of which we are to learn later are detrimental to the healthy folks not to mention those folks in struggle. . Jenny said one morning as we filled our breakfast plates, “wow!!~ can we afford this”, Oh yes, was my answer your payin for it all. A treatment plan was ordered and she was treated every three weeks for about a year with Nutrition being part of her treatment. Later, the trips began to wear on her and she decided to go back to the clinic closer to home. She had tolerated the treatments at Zion fairly well, so we shared that with the local cancer Doctor

Tumor growth began to play a part in this fight and the pain in movement began to make getting her anywhere an issue. A wheelchair was ordered and soon she hardly could walk at all. Tumors appeared in her left arm and ended up breaking the long bone just below the elbow; a cast was made and set to allow us to continue. Tumor growth in the hip area caused the hip joint to weaken requiring no weight bearing motions at all. Radiation was ordered requiring a treatment every day for 15 days straight.

At some point here the neighbors saw me struggle to get jenny lifted into the van then lift the wheelchair up into the back. So they called the American Cancer Society to see if we could receive any help. They said they were told Sorry, “there was no money available at that time for anything extra. “ So my brother gave me an old hunting carrier which I remade into a ramp and platform. Worked well, even donated it to a fella who needed it later on. .

Most interesting is an Ad I came across in our local paper about the same time, The American Cancer Folks were advertising for a local Manager. $70,000 a year plus perks. I will continue to give as instructed by the Lord, But I will make sure I’m careful with who gets the help, you do as you wish. I will note that when we were required to make the 15, 80 mile round trips for Radiation, the American Cancer Folks did kick in 50 bucks to help with gas. Experience is the best teacher, and I’ll still give where I feel it’s used properly. I’m just going to be very selective from here on in.

Jenny was no stranger to Radiation Treatments and tolerated this round well. While the target is the tumor inside the body it can be likened to a very bad sunburn on the skin. We treated the burns with salves and Ointments but still it was painful at best. I made her show her Cancer Doctor the burns and he immediately called down to Radiation. “I’m sending Mrs. Rothering down, he said,,,,I want you to see your handiwork”.

And so it went day to week to month, she never left her chair. I would wheel her from one treatment to the next, each appointment designed to beat up the patient without killing the body. What a life we had. She of course receiving the beatings daily and I not liking my roll any better.



&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&7

Early July of 2004 found us back at our local Cancer Center beginning a typical infusion day. I wheeled her to infusion and staff waited there to hook her up and lift her to her bed. She had a portaCath implanted in her chest early on in treatment so needles could be placed in her to accommodate the meds with less pain and soreness. New needles every few days left no time for healing. So the Portacath was a Godsend. . A blood test was taken and rushed to the lab as they needed to know she could handle the poison before injection. . If it was a go the meds were mixed and brought to her. This particular day the injection had been checked and Navelben mixed . Injection had just started and all of a sudden she was choking. Paramedics were called and she was taken to the emergency room right across the street. After hours of testing it was found that her heart had just given up and she needed immediate surgery.

On Doctors orders she not even to go home, just get admitted and get prepped for surgery as her condition was critical. So in the midst of the Cancer Battle we had to stop and direct our efforts towards saving her life,,,on another front..

The heart surgery was long and difficult caused by blood buildup in the chest cavity. Hours after the initial operation they had to go back in to deal with the blood issues. She was opened up, stabilized and Monitored until the buildup subsided, then sewed up and returned to us. Luckily it was the right thing to do and recovery began. The Doctor said her heart looked like that of an 80 yr old women. Recovery from this requires deep breathing exercises that caused jenny much stress and panic. Lung capacity has to be regained and it was easy to see the fear in her eyes those first days as she struggled for air. Being in charge of her care convinced me that I could not put the kids through this mess again. In silence, I made a deal with the He who sets the stars. My heart was just going to have to last.



At the three month mark, and after monitoring her condition. We once again began Chemo Treatments requiring a 4 hour infusion and an 80 mile Round trip once every week. Her heart care was turned over to a funny little man who saw very little reason to plan long term treatment for a dying women.. By this time I’m an expert at giving Enema’s, and it would have taken a very short prompt to offer this smart ah ,,fella a freebee. But we needed him. Jenny’s heart had been cut up pretty bad requiring healing meds. Hopefully, between college Mixers and Frat parties, this fat cat wannabe had retained some Medical knowledge. He certainly needed a refresher in bedside manor.

Around March of 2007 morning meds done and a little food if she could take it and usually the drugs would cause her to drift off for a couple hours. This was my time to catch up on clothes, dishes etc. But today she was wide awake, even happy. And saying things that made little sense. The Morphine always tossed a twist in so I was not real worried. Some days she was just a bit off base. But 3 hours later she was still acting strange and talking crazy so I called the Doctor who told me to get her to emergency… quickly. I used to laugh at that statement. . Quickly my foot, this girl don’t move easy. Wash her, dress her, lift her to her chair, load her in the van, tie her down Drive the 40 miles, and unload her at emergency. Aint no way to do that quick. But I heard the urgency in that Doctors voice so I hurried. 20 minutes in emergency and she was put in a room with IV’s strung from one side to the other. Doctors said the salt content, or percentage in her system was way out of balance, and if she would have drifted one or two points more she would have died.

I’ve been a Christian for many years now and have enjoyed many many blessings. But I’m convinced that all these folks who doubt the Savior need only to look at the incredible human body to confirm its Creator. Who could even look at the intricate structure of an eye and come up with anything logical besides Gods own Design.

Treatments continued into March that year but Jenny’s health was losing ground. The incident with her Sodium content dragged her down and signaled the body’s weakness . Doctors met with her to tell us they could do no more. Home Hospice care was started and a new dimension to an old story began for us. The good part for me was no more 80 mile trips. No more lifting and loading. By this time I was praying thru each week because as she got weaker it was taking more energy to bath her and move her around. I had broken my back in the 70’s and now at age 60 some days I had all I could do to move myself from here to there let along keep up my care giving duties. I had made her a promise that I would take care of her, I was hoping I’d be able to keep that promise. A couple times I had to ask my Son to help. But it was important to me to fulfill my vows.

Isolation became a new issue for us. Being locked in at home began a new chapter in an already bizarre existence. Medical supplies were delivered twice a week. , The Morphine was a cassette in a small machine hanging from her chest. This Machine was delivering a constant amount of drug continually. Jenny also had a button close to her to allow her to take a dose when the pain ramped. On top of that a regimen of other meds were givin throughout the day. As each day developed It was the result of how the meds effected her body and I just responded to what I saw the best I could. This particular day Jenny was almost herself and had asked for a real breakfast. So while she watched TV I began to slice potato’s n onion in preparation for her favorite omelet. All of a sudden I heard her yell,, “OH NO !!! Help, Help “’ I turned and ran to the living room where her bed was. As I came around the corner I saw reflections of flickering flames on the walls. Fire was all over her bed and a steady stream of flame like a blowtorch was coming from her oxygen tube. With a towel I brushed the fire from her arm and smothered the flame in the tube. Except for a small blister on her hand she faired well. But her blanket was melted and oxygen setup destroyed. But It could have been much worse. While she was not able to smoke much anymore she had attempted to light a smoke while I was busy and had forgotten the oxygen tubes in her nose. An easy mistake givin her state of mind and drug level.

Already I can hear some short sighted know it all do-gooder out there now saying,,,” Oh my Gawd she has cancer and still she smokes???. Yes ,Mr do gooder, and if she was not able to curb the habit as a healthy women, what causes you to think that cancer helps?? And don’t get me goin on the cigarette issue. I’m a former smoker who has spent his time huddled out in the cold sneakin a few drags. And Iwas hooked as bad as anyone. One day the Lord just took them away like they were nothing and I witness very personally the Awesome power of the king of Kings. Had he not shown me His grace, I’d be still there puffin away.

If your trusting the Conventional Medical folks to keep you healthy you got lots more issues than I do and its only a matter of time before your diet takes you to your own dilemma. Unless you end up leavin this planet early, your gonna find that your diet causes you many more issues than a two pack a day-er could ever do. I urge you to question every thing you put in your mouth as well as everything you rub on or in your skin. In fact if you will question all those wonderful smelling things you use in and on your body you’ll find many that you assumed were ok are very very toxic. Some even filled with suspected cancer causing agents. I want you to think about that the next time you put down a smoker. At 64 years old one of the best things I’ve done is to start thinking for my self and allow my mind to wonder outside that little box that we’ve been suckered into. It’s amazing how very clear things can become when you let your own mind do your own thinking and allow good old common sense to drift back in. .

The dying Process is anything but simple. And its greatly effected by the drugs prescribed and the way they are delivered. It became apparent early on that this was a guessing game for the doctors as well. Jenny had a painkiller prescribed for bone pain, and another for nerve pain. Then several drugs designed to chase those two drugs and help eliminate the symptoms and residual results they caused. Then, because of all those drugs the body cramps up and constipation results, so,,, now we add stool softeners, fiber additives and enemas to help normal functions.

When they sent her home to die I was confused and scared out of my mind. I asked what to expect, I needed to get a grip on what I had to do. You don’t get a book with this. And you don’t get do-overs. This was life, or the end of it for her and neither of us had any clue how this was gonna go. , But I get to move on with whatever mistakes I was about to make. I was leaving all the experts, I would be dealing with this alone, out in the country there would be no more appointments no more interacting, and already, this felt way to lonely. I was told this was the last stage and it should be all over 2 to 3 months. It was close to 2 years before Jenny died.

SHAREIN THE GOOD NEWS.



From the first day you’re told you have cancer there is a scramble to learn. Catch up maybe a better word. You learn real fast that this is your game and the amount of innings you get will depend on how well you listen. This has not been a priority as the daily chores and caregiving eat up the hours . But now it directs every facet of our life . In the beginning your just trying to keep up with all the new language and procedures. Understanding the treatments and their effect on both the body and your life. Learning what to do to try n recover from the poisons. Grabbing for anything new or different that might help her recover quicker to avoid nausea and weakness. Later on I began to fight a huge battle in my mind as I tried very desperately to make sense of it all. Was I gaining on the confusion? Was I being effective in her care, or would she be better off in a place with real nurses. Many days we just existed not knowing a gain or a loss. Finally, and towards the end, I needed to address all the issues and create a perspective. If for no other reason than to make it clear. To myself. .This would be a horribly long journey if it had no other purpose than to just complete my Vows. I felt people needed to know the other side of this. We learn way to quick to trust and believe those put in positions of authority. And here we were re-learning and re-thinking all stuff that made up life. Relearning after trusting the system. Experiencing first hand how the medical folks used my wife as a practice piece as long as they could then sent her home to walk that last mile alone. But hindsight being what it is the game had shifted. Questions were coming up demanding answers, and the answers we were being givin made no sense. The biggee, If the body runs on food as our fuel, Why is it not even addressed as a key staple to recovery. How could that even be?? The American Medical Association, the top of the heap for those fighting disease did not see Nutrition as important ?? What was I missing here.? These were the guys we were trusting for life itself. Believe me, I wrestled with that one for a long time. But thank God for facts. They really do point to the issues.



SCARY STUFF



There’s an unwritten law that goes with Livin a nightmare.. You don’t move through it without taking on a part of it. And although it’s now been about a year and a half since we said our goodbyes some things just don’t move. Somewhere deep inside my chest is either a scream or a huge sob, I don’t know which. Its drivin by triggers, Some small memory of those days that brings it all forward And immediately that Sob is there. it doesn’t ever leave and never comes all the way out out, it just hangs there, throbbing in my throat, Claiming Some hidden place destined to never let me forget those horrible times. I can only think of two or three times in all my years that I have come to tears and it takes a lot. But a trigger of Jenny’s struggle will take me there in an instant. The tears never Come. They hang silently somewhere just beyond reality. I can feel Them, they are a very real part of the stuff that makes up life. Lately I even try to make it happen, hoping if I push a little I can be free of it. But tryin to cry takes you to a pitifull place, and you soon realize that this is not where you want to be. After a while, After I deal with the trigger, it will take its place once again, wherever that is. It’s cocked and ready. Purposed at Hangin with me until the next time. .



BURN OUT



After a few years in this battle, the Education it provided Gave new meaning and great promise to those wanting to gain health.. I got excited to tell folks what we had learned.

To let them have a wisp of hope I had to be there with Jenny. We needed to do this dyin together. So what better way for me to use our time then to create and Document our progress and give other folks some fresh new hope. When those Doctors gave us the diagnosis, There was no hope, all was lost. And we were left in a vacuum of fear and confusion. The life we had known changed drastically. This could be a way to give others the hope we were not offered. And a great way to make Jenny’s struggle worth something.

I began by building a website and gathered support documents to prove to people that They really did have tools to fight this disease. And www.canceranswersthatheal.com

was created around 2005.

Shortly thereafter I created a blog, www.cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com to share realtime events and discoveries. Countless hours were spent on both posting and documenting. And for the first time in many months I felt we were gaining on cancers grip on society.

A quick start Guide was designed so cancer victims could get an immediate start on healing. Fresh juicing and clean water programs were listed. And food processing and the poisons listed therein were exposed so good choices could be made. Folks would call and we’d share great information. And I really thought we were doing well. But soon it became apparent that change was very hard for most, even when facing death it seemed too difficult to even believe in hope. But we kept tryin, every once in a while finding someone willing to think for themselves.

In late 2008 I began to tire of all the negative and started writing less and less. It began to be very clear to me that unless the word Cancer was stamped on a victim’s forehead he/she was not willing to go this route. After all I was asking them to almost completely change their lifestyle.

The Blog and the Website are still there,,,,I think. At least I still pay the hundred bucks for the name,,,.

Every so often the phone will ring. And a new person has seen or heard of my site and wants to talk. We get some compliments , some hi 5’s , and every once in a while a well done. But for the most part. That change to get healthy seems to much unless you’ve been told your dyin. I’ll take bets it’s a guy or gal who’s just had the bomb dropped on them. And the world has just gotten much smaller and they are reaching.

I find myself sitting here now, gazing upword, wondering on all the folks who have called, needing some string of hope. . Did they make it? Did we chat long enough to convince them they had tools to fight with now ?.. Have they put together a nutritional plan to break the ties that cancer has places on their body. Or is a love one, or caregiver standing over what remains after Cancer has taken the joy and literally hangs as a scavenger, eating away the very life of a loved one.

I’m convinced now that you cannot be a caregiver unless God has givin you the gift of caring. To stand or sit with a cancer patient, and share that journey from life to death, to watch daily the change in both attitude and demeanor. To experience the sounds and smells as the body decays and malfunctions on its way to death is no easy task. And in its process, you will be marked indelibly. Unless you feel within you, a special heart cry to be with the dying, I urge you to pass. For this is a journey assigned to those who need to be there. I have met these people. And the skill in the care they give defies understanding. But the love that they have for the dying is very apparent, very sincere, and very very special.





GETTING STARTED



The primary perpose for writing this book was to answer the cries for help. Hearing you have cancer not only gets your attention, but in a few unkind seconds it destroys every aspect of who you were less than a minute ago. Meals change, work schedules and other commitments are gone. Forget the vacation, party or function you penciled in. You have just entered a battle that will consume not only every waking moment but it will rob many many quiet sleeps of dreams. Instead you’ll find yourself in a cloudy tomb, oblivious to the world around you, drivin night and day by a confusing cluster of doctor appointments. Testing and commitments created at least in part to make you absolutely crazy too.

Getting started was a simple lifestyle change designed to put the patient back in control. I know when we finally learned enough to take back some of our life it felt awesome. And that’s what I wanted to provide for these folks.

Directions were givin in a free one page report beginning with securing a clean water source. While that sounds simple its anything but. The body needs to filter the poisons, water is that Vehicle, not soda pop or Power drinks. Water is Gods Medicine.

There are literally hundreds of skin products, shampoo’s, crèmes, etc that use for a base preservative Formaldehyde, a known Carcinogen. So time needs to be givin to being aware of what we put both on and in the skin. The body itself being porous, it can unknowingly absorb much that we need to be aware of. Instructions were given to avoid processed foods because of the “preservatives” we consume every day. And awareness that there were Organically grown Alternates for better choices.

It was also important to address Taking good cold processed supplements to boost the immune system and to Educate them on the fact that Soils are depleted and our bodies need help.. This one page alone was a “toolbox” full of great information to get them started on a path to both recovery and hope. I figured if I could get them to start, the rest, or more interest would follow. And they would already be on the road to recovery. When cancer comes you’re reaching desparatly for hope. . I just wanted to fill that need.





EDUCATION, ALL THE WAY AROUND !!!





The last 3-4 years of Jenny’s life were tough. And as the disease progressed she became more difficult to move, dress, bath, etc. When Tumors threatened to break hip bones, we listened because they had already broken a right arm bone and two or three ribs. I had purchased a wheelchair to get her to chemo appointments and would lift her to the van , then lift the chair into the back, then reverse it at the hospital. I had broken my back mid seventies, and although healed it made the task fairly challenging. Finally I welded up a hitch my brother gave me to make it easier. I didn’t know it then, but three different people had called the American Cancer Society about getting me some help but were told they were not able to help at that time. . The next year as her strength weakened I could no longer lift her in by myself, so I borrowed money to buy an older van with a lift in it. That time I called American Cancer Society asking any help they had but alas and alas the kitty was empty. Interestingly, at that very same time, in that very same County: they were running an area ad, looking for an Assistant Manager for $70.000 plus “perks”.

Towards the last of her life we had to run 80 miles a day for 15 days to Radiation and the Cancer folks found 50 bucks for us to help with gas. . So I’d better fess up to that

Jen and I are both close to 60. And every year of our working years, when those cancer folks came around we gave,,,,,,,,,,,,,,until now.

The cure for cancer will never be found,, because too many people would lose a paycheck. Nasty to say??? Not from where I stand. I still give as the Lord leads. Those who call now for donations get a different answer. For giggles, take the total recorded donations givin to the Cancer folks for any givin year. Then times it by the 30 some years they have been around. Pretty huge number anyway you slice it. Now do your level best to justify its usage. I guarantee you’ll come up a bit short.

All the new cancer centers are installing revolving doors and offer Valet service. Let me assure you that it’s not because they love you. The field of Medicine is an ever increasing and Highly profitable Industry, Rooted and Comfortably Grounded in the solid fact that if we continue on our present diet they can’t lose. The ACS stands to reap a huge chunk of that pie and has been doing so for a lot of years now.

Jenny’s weekly trip to Chemo Infusion required a trip to the cancer center then a lift to bed and a 3 hour drip infusion. . There was a silent unwritten law at the center, and everyone knew that if their Nursing procedures interfered with her seeing Dr Phil heads would Roll. She might be sick but no one disturbs her during Dr Phil. . Although it was common knowledge that jenny would not survive a trip to His show, several of us wrote to ask for a autographed picture . But He was to busy, even with a staff of hundreds to sign a picture for a dying women was to much effort. I let him know what I thought by letter, you can draw your own conclusion.





RESPONSIBILITY AND COMMON SENSE ARE GONE





Forty years ago your chances of getting cancer were at one point about 37 to 1. Each year since then those numbers have reduced steadily. Today, most experts are saying it’s close to one in two. After the crash course we have taken, and the information that has surfaced, I think its only a matter of time for any of us unless your willing to use caution to what your putting in and on your body.

In 1996 , When we first began to speak to folks about nutrition and the poisons in processed foods. We were fresh and inexperienced. But determined to share what we were learning. Each time we tried to present new ideas we were met with lots of rolled eyes and raised eyebrows. It was hard back then to get people to think on their own. We had gotten to the point of trusting the Doc to make it better. When Cancer can just step in and take your life,its not working. . The word is out. Hardly a day goes by now that we are not hearing something new. Either Its Tainted eggs, diseased chicken, Ecoli in Processed meats or a growing list of other issues including new studies on Genetically modified foods. It’s not rocket science and it makes perfect sense. We’ve messed and modified our food sources and have compromised healthy eating. In its place we are offering foods packed with Processing ingredients designed for shelf life rather than nutrition. Greed in the Industry’s has caused many to turn a blind eye to concern for safety. Genetically Modified foods already cover the nation and recent studies indicate a huge effect on fertility in women. This with the FDA’s approval. Kind of makes you wonder whose side They are on. My fear is that we are only seeing a small part of it.

In 2001 I began to modify my kitchen. Teflon breaks up and you chew and eventually swallow all that chemical coating. Aluminum leaches metal so out with it. Stainless steel, cast Iron and glass are acceptable. A bit hard to adjust to , yup but easy on the mind and the body.

Cooking utensils that could not be completely cleaned were tossed and replaced with NSF approved Utensils. In most cases you’ll find them to be designed around sanitation.

Filtered water in stores is for the most part a farce and I’ve never found a “Certified” source that was lagit,. But for $100.00 bucks and a trip to fleet farm you will have the means to create your own system offering clean and pure water from anywhere.

We are a lazy people. We would rather pay twice or three times the price for Mac n Cheese in a nice perdy box than to add a cup o milk n some cheese to our own clean organically produced noodles. But read the label on that box your buyin, Why all the extra ingredients.? A little thought coupled with some personal concern and ill bet you can reason it through. I was told during my “bringin up” that my kids needed Floride, never once doubting it. FLORIDE IS POISON!!! Wonder how much good I did my kids all those years. In fact Some of those tubes even carry “overdose “ warnings.

MSG is in many or most foods. Oh it’s hardly ever boldly represented, and it now has many names and forms. But MSG was originally designed to fatten lab rats and pigs. It worked so doggone well that it was re created as a food additive.

Those wonderful creams n lotions you gals love to rub on. Are you aware that your skin is the largest body organ, and “absorbs” darn near anything you put on it. Did you also know that Formaldehyde is “widely” used as a cheap preservative in many of those products, even some baby foods.?? And Formaldehyde is a know carcinogen!!! Are you getting this?? Can you even believe it?? Its not only true, But its killing us.

And this is only an overview, there is much more poison used on you today. I urge you to stop and think before you continue buying blindly.

Cancer loves Sugar, Sugar stalls the Immune System, And one single can of soda I’m told contains around 12 spoons of sugar. Folks haul this stuff home by the ton.

Somewhere around 1996 I to discovered I had Bladder Cancer. Surgery was done and I moved on with life working towards getting a healthy Diet. . However I never cleared the Doctors office without being told that I needed to quit Smoking. The surgery was done by Conventional Doctors as they are currently the only folks licensed to cut. But the rest of my care had already been turned over to My Homeopathic Care physician Dr Greg Peterson. At that time, My comment to Dr. Greg was, If your going to harp on me about smoking lets table it. Because I’ve tried several times with no luck. Gregs Answer was this. I wish you to try and quit because you need more healing oxygen, But if you’ll get off the Conventional Cigarettes, and get away from all those additives I’ll let you alone. When you really research smoking, you find that there are an incredible amount of additives added to the tobacco in conventional smokes. At this writing, in 2010 I’m tickled to share with you that the Lord freed me from the curse of smoking on February 2nd this year. But I also want you to understand that I rolled my own Chemical free tobacco from then to now and my last bladder inspection was clear. While it can be confusing I can clear it up pretty easily By saying this. Grab any old bag of potato chips in any store you want, read the label. When we “MAKE” potato chips at home, its potato’s fried in grease or oil and a little salt. . Now, take your bag of chips and try and justify all those added ingredients. If that doesn’t make you question the integrity in food processing I will not be successful either. ,,





THE END IS NEAR





January 2009 found Jenny losing her battle. Her body was swelled and tumors were easy to see in her legs thighs and arms as well as those we knew that were inside. Her skin was dry and blotchy, her Hair like straw. We Applied lotion every day to control the bed sores and help Hydrate her skin. But the battle increased and we couldn’t stay ahead of the dryness. Keeping her clean was an ever present task as there were areas I could no longer get to without help. Sponge baths were all we could do and then only when I was aided by my Sister. The muscles in her ankles had long since been unable to hold her feet up. And they now laid straight pointing towards the bottom of the bed. Therapy experts had ordered a set of “boots” ($500 ) designed to keep her legs normal . But as comfort began to take precedence the boots were removed.

Jen’s Catheter needed to be changed weekly. And as she became more drugged and more weak. It became more of a chore. As the week progressed I would bath her daily, But by weeks end the smell became very strong as there were areas I could not reach without help. It was a team effort. She was weak and it was painful for her.

I would have to literally try to hold her left leg high and spread her hips wide while the nurse removed the old catheter, cleaned the area and then inserted and secured the new one. Many times the result of that simple task was pain and tears for her before we could finish.

The issue of pain was a tough one. Because as the pain meds kicked in they also enhanced and compounded things as well. Sometimes the slightest pinch or poke would draw a sharp yell, and for a long while I couldn’t understand it because I was trying very hard to be gentle. But slowly you realized that the meds were making it feel like more pain than there really was. So I would deliberately but carefully stage it to seek a reaction. I then began to realize the effects the drugs were having and could be comfortable in my tasks. But leading up to that point there were a few mental struggles as I would wrestle with the idea of having someone give her care who might be more careful and gentle, and would cause less pain.

The Morphine pump was ramped up steadily as the pains increased. And as the Morphine was increased , the Jenny I knew sank deeper into the drug. Another pump was added to address other pains and other issues. As a result, she just became more of a junkie You soon discover that what your doing is administering a controlled overdose. If you did this on the street you’d get arrested. We were killing her in legal increments under Doctors orders. But as bad as that sounds I was grateful for them.

Except for the TV 24/7 the room was a Tomb. Shades were drawn, the dull hum and whirr of oxygen and air mattress as background. And the smells of many different meds and decaying flesh to finish it. . No one visits the dying. There’s no need to polish the silver or straighten the rugs. Death has a stench and it lives here. This is not a place people like to be.

She slept most of the day now. And the house stays quiet . I sit for my hours trying to absorb it all and stare at what used to be not only my wife of 42 years but once also a very beautiful Women. I knew my wife still laid there.. But I could not believe all the torture she had endured. What Lay before me the results of a battle ending. But as bad as it was to see her life ebbing away, she was not in nearly as much pain anymore. And the pain she was having was covered by the drugs that took her to a place somewhere beyond the Hell that she had known.. The journey was to continue for a time yet but she could now just close her eyes and ride out the hard parts.



THE LONG GOODBYE





I’m so very glad that I know Jesus Christ. For in Jesus is the understanding to life and death and everything in between. The Bible speaks of Walking through the Valley of the Shadow of death. I believe I’ve walked that valley at least a couple of times now. First with my Mom, and now with my wife.

When you except Jesus Christ, scripture says The Holy Spirit comes to live within you. I’ve witnessed that Spirit in both my mother and My wife as the proper time came to exit a dying body. There is much documented Material to support these Ideas if you care to look. And if you care not to look, it’s ok too. For your Salvation is between you and your God. I just need you to know that He’s pretty awesome, and the key to your questions..

We were moving towards Jenny’s Home Going. The signs were all around.. Hospice Nurses were a great help and “coached” me as much as they could. The room Jenny laid in took on a strange look and feel. For me, the Numbness I lived in became even more cushioned as The Lord helped me move through those last hours.

The will to live and the Love of family are incredibly strong. And even the tremendous amount of meds did not control her will. At one point she said she did not want to wake up any more so a huge increase of Morphine was added to keep her sedated. Several hours into this added drug she woke herself to the amazement of all and called for her youngest grandbaby. Malachi was placed beside her on her bed and she held him one last time. Her strength was nothing short of incredible. Although drugged beyond belief she still held control. She’d decided that she needed to touch her grandchild once more time And there would be nothing to stand against her. .

Even time took on an Erie feel as everything seemed to stop. No more meds, no need to comfort, no meals to fix. This was the beginning of the end.

Throughout this journey I had decided to only share what was needed with the kids. It was not necessary for them to see any more than what they had to. I would share with them her progress. But try to shield them from as much as I could. When it was over, I would call them and let them come and spend their last moments with Mom before I called the Authorities. It was a great plan but not needed. They were there almost daily sharing concern and love sensing the change. Spending precious time while they could.

MY Son stood with me as we watched the drug take her deeper into a place she would not return from. Her breathing slowed . Her eyes closed in what appeared a restful sleep. I stood at her side and took her hand. Leaning forward I share a last goodbye to the Wife of my youth. Earlier we had made our peace and forgiven each other for any wrongs. So now it was just goodbye.

She took a breath, then stopped. And for a long while nothing, Then once again began to breath. But I’d been told that this might happen so we just waited. This was the dying Process. And the body did not give up easily. Soon another deeper breath and then nothing. After 10 minutes we knew that Mom ‘s battle had ended. And that the Spirit that had used this Vessel now sat at the Feet of Jesus and was finally free of the Demon Cancer.

Crystal, Our youngest child was home taking care of Her babies so I called her to come over. She didn’t want to go to Mom but I urged her to go with me to her side. . The difficulty and finality almost to much. We had dreaded this moment now for over three years. And it faced us now full on. “No Momma” she said “wakeup” and the tears flowed freely. I felt so stupid, why had I pushed her into this. Why do I always need to try and fix things? My mind was racing, trying to process what I was seeing. Maybe I needed to take her back out of the room. Why God? Why don’t you give me wisdom for these situations? Because of my need to be the boss, I may have pushed her to far. Then Crystal summoned her courage to reach over and touch her Momma’s hand. And as if Mother and Daughter had reached across the Barrier of death the fear that had gripped her , was gone . In its place I witnessed the love of a Daughter, purposed in preparing her Mom for her journey to the Savior. Crystal got her clothes and we dressed her. I saw my daughter who stood just a few minutes earlier literally frozen in fear, primp her mom’s hair, doing her makeup, Making sure her Mom was ready for her journey home. Mom n Daughter had together created a quilt with the pictures of Grandbabies somehow secured in the Fabric. And as we prepared her, Her grandchildren became her cover. She would now take them with her to her rest. And together they would sleep the peaceful sleep of scripture, until the trumpet of Christ signaled her to her crowns.

Procedures needed to be followed so the Charge Nurse from Hospice was called . Once she arrived, And checked Vitals the legality could be followed in determining death. .Pam had been Jenny’s Nurse since we began this journey, It was only proper that she finish it with us. Her duties now fulfilled, and the body prepared for travel. She turned to face me. Huge tears lay on her cheeks as she came to hug me. “I’m sorry Butch, I have to go “ she said, and headed for her car. This had not been a “Normal” Hospice for her. The two month dying process had gone on much longer. Jenny was nom longer, just another patient. And try as she might, Pam had let it become personal.



Life Goes on



As the afternoon sun began to drift towards the horizon, a steel gray Hearse carried away the remains of Genevieve Rommel Pomeroy Rothering. While most would say she lost her battle, that was not true. Jenny had reached her reward. We knew where she was and What she had been through to get there.. What was important now was to make sure her suffering was justified. And that is the purpose of these pages. A.L.R.