At the age of 60, I’m thinking maybe I’m starting to wise up a bit. A twelve year battle with Cancer has revealed lots of “stuff”that’s really not adding up. There is no better way to learn stuff than a flat out crash coarse in stayin alive. The Marlboro Man started it all but it goes lots deeper than that. I’ve learned that Floride is a poison. And Municipal water supplies are held at a “tolerable” level of bacteria. And all those shampoo’s, crèmes, n mousses, Deodorants, sprays n meds , are stuffed full of things like Formaldehyde, Ammonia, bleach and many other “toxins, snuck in there for “my benefit. So each day all that “stuff” iz oozing into my body as my Immune system tries desperately to stay in balance. I used to wonder how folks got things like Cancer. But now, 12 years later I wonder how anyone avoids it. Thirty years ago the chances were something like one in forty would contact some form of the disease, Today it’s very close to one in two.
It’s taken me some time but I’ve found a place to find alternates to all that stuff, and I’d be happy to share that info if you e-mail or call. But I think we all need a heads up on things as we move forward with life.
My wife’s cancer has been a challenge; it’s progression a real struggle as the disease spreads limiting her mobility. Luckily we had Insurance so I was able to get her a wheelchair. My own disability caused issues with loading and unloading her chair for her weekly Chemo appointments so a friend suggested contacting the American Cancer Society, You know, those folks who boldly ask for your MILLIONS EVERY YEAR. The gal on the phone told me to give her my Insurance and Medicare numbers and she’d “Help Me “ find help. I politely told her I still had most of my faculties and had already gone that rout. And just needed a hand to get my wife to and from her appointments as lifting her as well as her chair into the van was a tax on my disability. She shared her sorrow and concerns but informed me she could not help any further as they just didn’t have the funding. At least two more times during these past years I’ve called them to see if we could get some help. But Alas, Alas they too are struggling. Jenny’s disease has progressed to no weight bearing and loading and unloading her has been a real challenge. At one point my brother stepped in to help weld me a carrier for her chair. As we progressed I was able to buy a used van to get Her inside for the winter trips. I want everyone to know we are doing ok. I’m not whining for help and God has been blessing our steps.
But I think we need to re-think and examine the credibility of those who claim to be working on our behalf. Jen’s Medical bills keep us pretty strapped, but still I can usually find a few bucks if we see a need somewhere. I was able to take a used cargo rack and weld on a ramp that does the job for less than 50 bucks. So our needs have been met. But it should be made known that this Great “Society”, rooted and grounded in the donations of millions could do NOTHING??? By the way ,at the time of this writing an Ad was placed in the Winona Daily Newspaper. It seems the ACS, those same folks who were sooooo strapped for cash were advertising an Assistant District Managers position, open in his area. Salary, 80 grand,, with “perks”
These 12 years have been a struggle, and we did it on our own and the donations from real people of the area. And to those folks we are eternally grateful . But The American Cancer Society could do nothing! something is very wrong. And the next time I’m approached for a donation I will ask why. I think we need to ask, Where are all those dollars going “? Allen l. Rothering 507-689-2401
Since the above writing and as a post script fair is fair. In our 12th year of this battle The American Cancer Society gave us a 50 dollar gas card to help with a long series of daily radiation treatments. And we remain grateful for that help A. L. R.
Friday, October 17, 2008
"" LIFT THE LID "" !!~!~
LIFT THE LID
At three p.m. most every day
my wife puts all her things away
and flips the switch on our T.V.
OPRAH’S on, she says to me
She’ll curl up in an easy chair
a cup of coffee sitting there
and her and OPRAH hash it out
My God no telling what its about
The house could burn around her neck
and she’d just say, Oh what the heck
We’ll fix it up, Don’t worry hon
just as soon as OPRAH’S done!
They talk of things from then to now
but always end with men somehow
and we’re dissected from head to feet
ending up of coarse on that toilet seat
It seems that someone, {probably a kid}
used the potty, and didn’t lift the lid
and my wife and Oprah will make us pay
right on up to judgment day
We guys are getting awful tired
Of Oprah getting our women wired
It’s time we set the record square
So set back in your easy chair
And we’ll paint a picture somewhat grim
of the awful things you do to him
and the trial and torment he’s gone through
quit simply because he lives with you
Ill speak for us, I got it bad
I’m the only male and I’m the dad
trying very desperately to survive
with grandma, two daughters.....and a wife
The guys will tell you, this is tough
living with all this female stuff
I try real hard and do my best
but God has to help me with the rest
They do all these really crazy things
acting like a bunch of ding-a-lings
laughing and giggling all the time
or crying for nothing at the drop of a dime.
The bathroom looks like a chemistry lab
with bottles and tubes, it’s really sad
and things plugged in from here to there
my shaver is in there, but I don’t know where.
The nylons hang as they always do
next to the sixteen bottles of shampoo
seven hairy brushes, and a dozen combs
and they say this is what makes a house a home.
I get up at five to use the John
and the girls have it from that time on
the hairspray flies and the curlers hum
and the cloud won’t clear until they’re done
they paint their faces with stuff and things
and cover it all with beads and rings
than top it off with a can of spray
and they’re set again for another day
as the bathroom door swings open wide
and my gang emerges from inside
a burst of perfume fills the air
and knocks me off the kitchen chair
do they need that much to last all day
maybe it keeps the flies away
at any rate I don't say a thing
for it’s just typical of ding-a-lings.
They’re not gonna change,
I don't think they can
they were put down here
just to aggravate man
they’re a peculiar lot,all prime and pretty
soft and cuddly like a newborn kitty,
but cross their path or mess their day
and you’ll wish to god you’d a moved away.
So Oprah think befor you speak
let your mind catch up to your mouth so to speak.
Don’t get our women all worked up
it’s hell down here, it’s bad enough.
Think of that toilet seat Ophra dear
and the blame we get from year to year
and the ridicule you put us through
cause lifting the lid is the thing to do
When my wife is crabby
and I don't want to fight
I sneak to the bathroom
in the midle of the night.
I pour a glass of water on the seat
than flush the thing so it’s nice and neat
and wait in bed until she wakes
for the potty journey she must make.
In just a moment she’ll sit down
and I’ll hear that firmiliar grumbling sound.
I’ll laugh in my pillow so she wont hear
and grin my victory from ear to ear.
So Oprah we are not as dumb as you think
we know the difference between toilet and sink
maybe that lid that you speak about
is really just our way out
of arguing when we don't want to fight
by playing game in the dark of night
or just our way of getting along
with these crazy female ding-a-longs
so have at it girl, and bash away
now that the guys have had their say
and watch that lid cause you never know
when a glass of water could steal the show.
A.L.R.
At three p.m. most every day
my wife puts all her things away
and flips the switch on our T.V.
OPRAH’S on, she says to me
She’ll curl up in an easy chair
a cup of coffee sitting there
and her and OPRAH hash it out
My God no telling what its about
The house could burn around her neck
and she’d just say, Oh what the heck
We’ll fix it up, Don’t worry hon
just as soon as OPRAH’S done!
They talk of things from then to now
but always end with men somehow
and we’re dissected from head to feet
ending up of coarse on that toilet seat
It seems that someone, {probably a kid}
used the potty, and didn’t lift the lid
and my wife and Oprah will make us pay
right on up to judgment day
We guys are getting awful tired
Of Oprah getting our women wired
It’s time we set the record square
So set back in your easy chair
And we’ll paint a picture somewhat grim
of the awful things you do to him
and the trial and torment he’s gone through
quit simply because he lives with you
Ill speak for us, I got it bad
I’m the only male and I’m the dad
trying very desperately to survive
with grandma, two daughters.....and a wife
The guys will tell you, this is tough
living with all this female stuff
I try real hard and do my best
but God has to help me with the rest
They do all these really crazy things
acting like a bunch of ding-a-lings
laughing and giggling all the time
or crying for nothing at the drop of a dime.
The bathroom looks like a chemistry lab
with bottles and tubes, it’s really sad
and things plugged in from here to there
my shaver is in there, but I don’t know where.
The nylons hang as they always do
next to the sixteen bottles of shampoo
seven hairy brushes, and a dozen combs
and they say this is what makes a house a home.
I get up at five to use the John
and the girls have it from that time on
the hairspray flies and the curlers hum
and the cloud won’t clear until they’re done
they paint their faces with stuff and things
and cover it all with beads and rings
than top it off with a can of spray
and they’re set again for another day
as the bathroom door swings open wide
and my gang emerges from inside
a burst of perfume fills the air
and knocks me off the kitchen chair
do they need that much to last all day
maybe it keeps the flies away
at any rate I don't say a thing
for it’s just typical of ding-a-lings.
They’re not gonna change,
I don't think they can
they were put down here
just to aggravate man
they’re a peculiar lot,all prime and pretty
soft and cuddly like a newborn kitty,
but cross their path or mess their day
and you’ll wish to god you’d a moved away.
So Oprah think befor you speak
let your mind catch up to your mouth so to speak.
Don’t get our women all worked up
it’s hell down here, it’s bad enough.
Think of that toilet seat Ophra dear
and the blame we get from year to year
and the ridicule you put us through
cause lifting the lid is the thing to do
When my wife is crabby
and I don't want to fight
I sneak to the bathroom
in the midle of the night.
I pour a glass of water on the seat
than flush the thing so it’s nice and neat
and wait in bed until she wakes
for the potty journey she must make.
In just a moment she’ll sit down
and I’ll hear that firmiliar grumbling sound.
I’ll laugh in my pillow so she wont hear
and grin my victory from ear to ear.
So Oprah we are not as dumb as you think
we know the difference between toilet and sink
maybe that lid that you speak about
is really just our way out
of arguing when we don't want to fight
by playing game in the dark of night
or just our way of getting along
with these crazy female ding-a-longs
so have at it girl, and bash away
now that the guys have had their say
and watch that lid cause you never know
when a glass of water could steal the show.
A.L.R.
Obama? or Mc Cain? ""you'll know them by their fruits""
Election 2008,, Sigh'" I'm really kind of embarrassed to bring it forward. Two men, supposedly the top of the heap throwin dirty darts at each other in an effort to lead this country back to a platform of credibility. we've come so far.
I'm reminded of our for fathers, men of integrity. Rooted and grounded in their faith. With a sincere heartcry to make America a strong. men willing to put it all on the line for the sake of the good of mankind. no perks, no huge salaries. not pushed and shoved by lobbyists or special interest groups. just there to do business.
despite all the garbage we hear it was very bible oriented with prayer and God at the forfront. For those that would differ simply go read almost any of the transcripts. If your able to honestly come away with a different take I'd be very very surprised. That's the reason America was great, and its also the reason she's in trouble now.
Greed and corruption run rampant through government. The moral fabric so decayed that I doubt any one man has an ability to change the tide lest God intervene.
I spent time watching the debates to get a feel for my choice but came away fairly disappointed. all I saw was game playing and finger pointing.
It's my responsibility to vote. And I'll do so as a commitment. But my heart is heavy. The Christian Community knows the truth and is committed to prayer . Because they realize we are going down the tube without Gods help..
God says you judge a man by the fruits he has produced. And each of these men have a record of what they have accomplished. So its my job to dig thru the "stuff" and come up with a decision based on the good "stuff" mixed in with all the rest of the "stuff".
In order to do that. I need to petition the lord for wisdom. In order to do that I need to shut down the Media n do a check up, from the neck up, to eliminate all the "stinkin thinkin"
I urge you to do the same. There's much more riding on this Election than either you or I realize. Its time to bow your head, and ask a Holy God to once again bless or Nation
I'm reminded of our for fathers, men of integrity. Rooted and grounded in their faith. With a sincere heartcry to make America a strong. men willing to put it all on the line for the sake of the good of mankind. no perks, no huge salaries. not pushed and shoved by lobbyists or special interest groups. just there to do business.
despite all the garbage we hear it was very bible oriented with prayer and God at the forfront. For those that would differ simply go read almost any of the transcripts. If your able to honestly come away with a different take I'd be very very surprised. That's the reason America was great, and its also the reason she's in trouble now.
Greed and corruption run rampant through government. The moral fabric so decayed that I doubt any one man has an ability to change the tide lest God intervene.
I spent time watching the debates to get a feel for my choice but came away fairly disappointed. all I saw was game playing and finger pointing.
It's my responsibility to vote. And I'll do so as a commitment. But my heart is heavy. The Christian Community knows the truth and is committed to prayer . Because they realize we are going down the tube without Gods help..
God says you judge a man by the fruits he has produced. And each of these men have a record of what they have accomplished. So its my job to dig thru the "stuff" and come up with a decision based on the good "stuff" mixed in with all the rest of the "stuff".
In order to do that. I need to petition the lord for wisdom. In order to do that I need to shut down the Media n do a check up, from the neck up, to eliminate all the "stinkin thinkin"
I urge you to do the same. There's much more riding on this Election than either you or I realize. Its time to bow your head, and ask a Holy God to once again bless or Nation
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I'm alive,,,,,And she's dying,,,,,,,,
3 Am is a quiet hour. a dim glow from the yardlight outside reaches in through a set of old blinds .It offers just enough light to press the dark away and lite the room. The cat , deep in sleep is streached out on the chair while the two dogs lay close, resting and dreaming the dreams that dogs dream.
A heavy quilt holds me captive and a soft pillow cradles my only exposed part. In my quiet slumber a voice breaks the silence . my mind, deep in slumber attempts to process but the result is a slow drift back to where i was. Then again the voice cracks, only louder now and pulls me from my sleep. "help me Butch"" I need the bedpan",,,,,,,,,,,,, A part of me is awake, and recognizes the voice but my mottled brain drags heavy remembering the warm quilt and soft pillow. My mind wrestles the thoughts invading my sleep until I succumb to the need . As I toss off the warm quilt im invaded by the cool of the morning and sleep, however blissful is now just a memory . It's still 3 AM and I'm still tired, but duty calls.
SO,,,,,I think i'll stop now. I think everyone can Imagine the bedpan and,, THE rest of the story.
The purpose of this is to outline the need for caregivers to share. Obviously there is the cancer battle, and it holds Priority. but there is a huge amount of anxiety surrounding those giving care. When She crys out in pain i'm helpless. and the "please Help Me Butch" pleading s cause me to wring my hands in helpless jestjer of defeat.. I'd like to go someplace and bawl my eyes out. I can feel it there but it just wont come. I'm alive, But she's dying. Somdays the guilt is all consuming. Oh, you can rationalize , but the days build one on another until the guilt become GUILT and once again I need to label it and tuck it away. this is really a silent battle. Played behind the stage of the Feature. But an undaunting struggle to those in care. I know there are groups to join, but this job is 24/7 folks. I get a sitter so I can go Wednesday's for groceries.
I'm not complaining. I believe we are givin tasks by the King of kings . and this is mine, for now. I also know that He is sustaining me. As I could not do this without Him. The purpose is to you, my reader.
There are caregivers all around you. Become aware of their struggles, Lend a hand. be the much needed relief they need and deserve. One of my most treasured moments now is nice salad in the local McDonalds parking lot. A peaceful half hour undesturbed on my Wednesday outing. I cant begin to tell you the value I place on that half hour.
Well she is waking, and its time for her bath so i'll close. Be Blessed, and in my comments understand how blessed you really are.. gods very Best,,, SSNUFFY
A heavy quilt holds me captive and a soft pillow cradles my only exposed part. In my quiet slumber a voice breaks the silence . my mind, deep in slumber attempts to process but the result is a slow drift back to where i was. Then again the voice cracks, only louder now and pulls me from my sleep. "help me Butch"" I need the bedpan",,,,,,,,,,,,, A part of me is awake, and recognizes the voice but my mottled brain drags heavy remembering the warm quilt and soft pillow. My mind wrestles the thoughts invading my sleep until I succumb to the need . As I toss off the warm quilt im invaded by the cool of the morning and sleep, however blissful is now just a memory . It's still 3 AM and I'm still tired, but duty calls.
SO,,,,,I think i'll stop now. I think everyone can Imagine the bedpan and,, THE rest of the story.
The purpose of this is to outline the need for caregivers to share. Obviously there is the cancer battle, and it holds Priority. but there is a huge amount of anxiety surrounding those giving care. When She crys out in pain i'm helpless. and the "please Help Me Butch" pleading s cause me to wring my hands in helpless jestjer of defeat.. I'd like to go someplace and bawl my eyes out. I can feel it there but it just wont come. I'm alive, But she's dying. Somdays the guilt is all consuming. Oh, you can rationalize , but the days build one on another until the guilt become GUILT and once again I need to label it and tuck it away. this is really a silent battle. Played behind the stage of the Feature. But an undaunting struggle to those in care. I know there are groups to join, but this job is 24/7 folks. I get a sitter so I can go Wednesday's for groceries.
I'm not complaining. I believe we are givin tasks by the King of kings . and this is mine, for now. I also know that He is sustaining me. As I could not do this without Him. The purpose is to you, my reader.
There are caregivers all around you. Become aware of their struggles, Lend a hand. be the much needed relief they need and deserve. One of my most treasured moments now is nice salad in the local McDonalds parking lot. A peaceful half hour undesturbed on my Wednesday outing. I cant begin to tell you the value I place on that half hour.
Well she is waking, and its time for her bath so i'll close. Be Blessed, and in my comments understand how blessed you really are.. gods very Best,,, SSNUFFY
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Someone told the Birds
It's October 14th, and Fall is really "falling". The hummingbirds packed their little suitcases two weeks ago. And I dare to say that by now they are feelin the warm winds in a distant Southern hidaway. Amazing lil buggers, Cant imagine those lil wings whippin all the way to better weather. But they go a milion miles an hour so it's probably just a short flight.
Black birds flock and chatter high in the trees by the hundreds , Their gathering a sound reminder that much is about to change. If you listen close you can almost hear the banter as they plan their route and work out the details of this years departure.
Warm mornings give way to a familiar chill that turns the leaves and shocks the fruit tree's. Very soon the cold will come to finish off the gardens. And The old maple struggles as leaves fall like tears to cover the frosty grass.
Many are the signs to signal a strong season change. Old Man winter stands a distance away, his staff poised, ice forming on his gray beard, While a rye smile plays on his weather beaten face.
Our chance is gone, and its time to pay the piper. We should have booked a flight with the birds. but it's to late. I see him standing there, waiting, watching as I gather this and cover that and look to chores that need to be done yesterday. always keeping an eye to the North constantly listening for the roar of the wind and the cutting cold. Memories of bone chilling days and gray winter sky's push at me to hurry. All must be in place before that first snow covers up the green of summer. For it will be a long several months before the grass returns. Snow is beautiful . What an awesome site to look out on a heavy snowfall with your back to a crackling fire. To feel that warmth and know what lies just beyond that window pane is a conquering moment. This is Minnesota, and its the norm. But im never ready. I'll be outside hurrying still with frozen hands as the snow falls around my wet tenny's. Or under the hood in a last ditch attempt to winterize the car.
Winter here in the Northland needs to be respected. For the cold is a killer too. Death can come in as little as 8 minutes if the body's not covered. And folks have been found 6 ft outside their door frozen in the snow. Ice fishing is popular here. And the ice will reach 4 ft thick. At 40 below zero a cup of hot coffee tossed up into the air will dissappear as vapor. And snomobiling in a valley with 6 ft deep snow is a sight and experience hard to imagine.
Today we wait, enjoying the last warm fall afternoons, knowing that very soon all will change. hoping for another couple weeks. The color in the hills weakens as more and more bare limbs show through and a cold gray sky confirms the seasons end. all thats left is to conceed that Winter has arrived
Black birds flock and chatter high in the trees by the hundreds , Their gathering a sound reminder that much is about to change. If you listen close you can almost hear the banter as they plan their route and work out the details of this years departure.
Warm mornings give way to a familiar chill that turns the leaves and shocks the fruit tree's. Very soon the cold will come to finish off the gardens. And The old maple struggles as leaves fall like tears to cover the frosty grass.
Many are the signs to signal a strong season change. Old Man winter stands a distance away, his staff poised, ice forming on his gray beard, While a rye smile plays on his weather beaten face.
Our chance is gone, and its time to pay the piper. We should have booked a flight with the birds. but it's to late. I see him standing there, waiting, watching as I gather this and cover that and look to chores that need to be done yesterday. always keeping an eye to the North constantly listening for the roar of the wind and the cutting cold. Memories of bone chilling days and gray winter sky's push at me to hurry. All must be in place before that first snow covers up the green of summer. For it will be a long several months before the grass returns. Snow is beautiful . What an awesome site to look out on a heavy snowfall with your back to a crackling fire. To feel that warmth and know what lies just beyond that window pane is a conquering moment. This is Minnesota, and its the norm. But im never ready. I'll be outside hurrying still with frozen hands as the snow falls around my wet tenny's. Or under the hood in a last ditch attempt to winterize the car.
Winter here in the Northland needs to be respected. For the cold is a killer too. Death can come in as little as 8 minutes if the body's not covered. And folks have been found 6 ft outside their door frozen in the snow. Ice fishing is popular here. And the ice will reach 4 ft thick. At 40 below zero a cup of hot coffee tossed up into the air will dissappear as vapor. And snomobiling in a valley with 6 ft deep snow is a sight and experience hard to imagine.
Today we wait, enjoying the last warm fall afternoons, knowing that very soon all will change. hoping for another couple weeks. The color in the hills weakens as more and more bare limbs show through and a cold gray sky confirms the seasons end. all thats left is to conceed that Winter has arrived
Monday, October 13, 2008
Hangin ,,,,,,by a thread
Life Sucks,,,,,n then yu die. I remember the first time i heard that lil Phrase. It was funny. It was maybe a little bit rough but the image of its meaning rang true. I never figured to own it, But it's fittin pretty snug right now.
Early in my christian walk the struggle through lots of religous junk to find a real God was challenging. 50 different Doctorins, and thousands of churches, and somewhere in the midst my search to answer the question of weather or not there really was a God.
Well , I found Him somwhere around 40 years ago now. And our relationship was pretty rocky for a while. He's a hard task master, and I, well i had and still have a very hard head. I remember a very tough time when it seemed like He wasn't even listening. He was just letting me fight the fight alone. It was early fall i was alone at home feeling sorry for my self. And I remember shaking my fist at him and yelling, "You say I am blessed then show me my blessings"",,, now yelling at the King of Kings is not your best idea. and as wisdom returned I waited, for the thunder. But silence followed. And shortly after each and every blessing I had was clearly shown to me. And I never again questioned The Master. Oh, There were tough times ahead, but I always had the knowledge that I wasn't alone. And each challenge was met with a new confidence.
today I find myself on the other end of those 40 years. The journey to this point in time has produced many blessings as well as miricles. And I own a very good witness to Gods awesome power.
But today also finds me at a very low place where i feel very far away from God. I've been givin the task of caring for a wife of 40 years who's dying of cancer. And a more helpless job will never be found. As Men we are brought up to protect and defend. But I've met a foe that cannot be found. He inflicts pain and sickness and im helpless to challenge him. She fights the fight and my most effective weapon is to hold her hand. Cancer has destroyed her body and I watch her die daily. Each morning that she's stable I lift her to her chair, give her a bath and fix her a meal. life for us both ended 12 years ago, and each new day requires that we go through the motions . i try to fix meals with nutritional value only to find she's not able to eat. My prayers went from faith filled petitions for her healing to please end her suffering and leave her to her final sleep. The silence in this house is deafening as the morphine coarsed her veins in an attempt to control the pain. She wakes abruptly in the middle of the night to pain and nausea, or the speedy need for the bedpan. and her days are filled with much the same. I have the easy part and struggle with it daily. ,,,,,,,,,,,,And God is silent.
My mind swirls in this struggle to understand. How can a God say He loves us and allow one of his own to hurt like this? And why would He not end her suffering and take her to that better place.
Except for knowing Him, and sharing the experiences he's provided. I would lose it, no question at all. For lifes value has deminished greatly.
But the thread remains that was established in my conversion, and memory of His goodness and His word seem to sustain me. Please Pray for us both . SSNUFFY
Early in my christian walk the struggle through lots of religous junk to find a real God was challenging. 50 different Doctorins, and thousands of churches, and somewhere in the midst my search to answer the question of weather or not there really was a God.
Well , I found Him somwhere around 40 years ago now. And our relationship was pretty rocky for a while. He's a hard task master, and I, well i had and still have a very hard head. I remember a very tough time when it seemed like He wasn't even listening. He was just letting me fight the fight alone. It was early fall i was alone at home feeling sorry for my self. And I remember shaking my fist at him and yelling, "You say I am blessed then show me my blessings"",,, now yelling at the King of Kings is not your best idea. and as wisdom returned I waited, for the thunder. But silence followed. And shortly after each and every blessing I had was clearly shown to me. And I never again questioned The Master. Oh, There were tough times ahead, but I always had the knowledge that I wasn't alone. And each challenge was met with a new confidence.
today I find myself on the other end of those 40 years. The journey to this point in time has produced many blessings as well as miricles. And I own a very good witness to Gods awesome power.
But today also finds me at a very low place where i feel very far away from God. I've been givin the task of caring for a wife of 40 years who's dying of cancer. And a more helpless job will never be found. As Men we are brought up to protect and defend. But I've met a foe that cannot be found. He inflicts pain and sickness and im helpless to challenge him. She fights the fight and my most effective weapon is to hold her hand. Cancer has destroyed her body and I watch her die daily. Each morning that she's stable I lift her to her chair, give her a bath and fix her a meal. life for us both ended 12 years ago, and each new day requires that we go through the motions . i try to fix meals with nutritional value only to find she's not able to eat. My prayers went from faith filled petitions for her healing to please end her suffering and leave her to her final sleep. The silence in this house is deafening as the morphine coarsed her veins in an attempt to control the pain. She wakes abruptly in the middle of the night to pain and nausea, or the speedy need for the bedpan. and her days are filled with much the same. I have the easy part and struggle with it daily. ,,,,,,,,,,,,And God is silent.
My mind swirls in this struggle to understand. How can a God say He loves us and allow one of his own to hurt like this? And why would He not end her suffering and take her to that better place.
Except for knowing Him, and sharing the experiences he's provided. I would lose it, no question at all. For lifes value has deminished greatly.
But the thread remains that was established in my conversion, and memory of His goodness and His word seem to sustain me. Please Pray for us both . SSNUFFY
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