Hello, I'm back

I should begin with an apology. Jen's passing tossed me for a loop. See, I had it all figured, she was dieing, so I was grieving along the way, and when it was over it would be time to move on.
Life's full of surprises, and my 'practical pete" approach, which seemed logical at the time failed miserably at her passing.
As the rooms began to close in plan B was not to be found and the only peace i saw was in the bottom of a rum n coke. If my friends could see me now. I sat alone in the big ole room , The same room I'd lived in for the last three years changing her meds ,living her pain and watching her die one day at a time. There was nowhere to go, this was home. but the quiet was deafening. 60's music cranked to the max barely covered the sounds of her crying, and a thousand bad memories pressed in to remind me of the many times i failed to ease her suffering.
The beer went down easy, just taking the edge away. but the demons would leave as the rum kicked in. And soon the room would become much smaller . what was once a heavy load would soon meld into a fuzzy gray numbness that required much less thought. Once that point was reached the music sounded better and even my voice blended perfectly as i crooned away into the night. But we all know those kinda hid-a-ways only work while your drinking, so every morning brought the battle back in full force. After a few days of that and memories of a drunken father, it became very clear that this was a solution that needed a better solution. So I shook it off and began to deal with life in smaller increments.
If you've read some of my stuff you know the purpose of this Blog. So to watch my wife succumb to the poisons of treatment was a very painful and frustrating time. Death and dieing are very personal. And each person needs to be honored by their choices. Everything I've learned, every part of my being tells me Jenny didn't need to die. But I watched the poison go into her body every week for years and had a ringside seat to its effect on her "treatment".
So, I'm back, with apologies to all. another chapter to life has begun as I attempt to file away memories and a lifetime. The grieving for the most part now behind me. And God has provided new direction Life itself now has taken on new value as I've witness its fragility. Each new day now a blessing from the Master and a gift I will not take for granted. I chose to look at this day and see what God has provided for me, and make it count. and Tomorrow,, He has a plan for that too. Gods very best A.L.R.

Jenny..The Struggle is Over And She has Taken the Lords Hand!

By Butch's/Ssnuffy's Sister, Linda Brown:

For those who have stopped by to read Butch's posts, I apologize that he has not been on for awhile. As most of you know, his wife, Jenny, has been battling cancer for many many years. On Wednesday, June 17th, Jenny finally left this world and is now walking hand in hand with the Lord. Praise God, her struggle is over!

This past month or so has been difficult for Butch, to say the least, since the cancer had consumed Jenny and her days have been barely tolerable. Butch was by her side day and night, just trying to meet all of her needs and comfort her. She was at peace in her last hours and minutes and Butch was there to let go of her and let her take hold of the Father's mighty hand.

Thank you all for the many thoughts and prayers for them. I know that he appreciate each and every one of you. He doesn't know that I'm posting this. I just wanted to ask that you all continue to keep him in your prayers. It has been a very long rough road and the coming days and months will be difficult as well. Please continue to lift he and his family up to the Lord for strength and peace as they grieve the loss of Jenny. She was my sister in law, but also a very dear friend. Thank you and God Bless.

Freedom is NOT Free !!~! R u Willing to Fight???

I'm Angry,,, Hell no, I'm "Pissed"!! as the media chases a mom and her son across the map , hungry for some print because she wont conform to a judges decision concerning the health of her son. This lady stands her own struggle, fighting for the right to make good decisions about her son's future. Anyone that has watched the cancer struggle, and the results of a regimen of that crap knows full well why she did what she did. The young son, Daniel, so fearful, from the first bout of chemo, threatened to run away. And all that mom did was go with him.
Religious or not, you cannot beat Gods system. I'd even go so far as bet that you can't. The idea , of placing Judges in positions of authority was implemented by God himself to help Moses with troubled times. And the requirement was that they were men, above reproach, who walked in wisdom and relied on the Lords guidance to make good decisions. Not a week goes by anymore that we are not hearing of some judge coming up with some lame brained decision over common sense issues. We let them chase this mom to hell and back for trying to be a mom and save her son from some agony while the plain truth is if Daniel was still in her womb it would be OK to jam a sharp knife into the back of his neck and kill him.
This is all just "stuff" because Daniel is just somebody else's kid, And Sleepy Eye Minnesota is not where you live. But its your freedom to chose your type of treatment for your son or daughter that's on the line here.
The days of trusting our family doctor is over folks. There are a lot of low quality medical people out there with could care less about you and care even less of the oath they took, let alone spell it. . I'm told that now you can go online and get the answers to medical college finals for less than the price of a quarter barrel. No wonder jackasses are popping up with scalpels in their hands, happy to give it a go on your body.
This #$$%*&^ judge was messing with YOUR Freedoms, and somewhere down the line his decisions are coming to your backyard and making determinations on your family. If you doubt me look into and compare government control from the early days until now, it sure would be wonderful to be paying the 2 percent income tax that was established way back then. Of course men were willing to fight and die for their rights way back then too.

Judge Roy Moore, an American Hero to me fought to keep the Ten Commandment on his courtroom wall. And was willing to give up his position to hold that standard. On November 13th , 2003 he lost his battle, but we lost much more. We let go of the integrity that made America the great country that she once was. And each time we fail to step up and use our right to voice our opinions, we lose yet another freedom.
This is Gods world, you're just visiting. You doubt me, check your local Cemetery. America was blessed because she chose to function in the integrity of Biblical principals. She struggles now because those principals are being ignored.
MY Friend the Judge wrote a poem after his removal. I'm including it here. Get involved! Voice your opinion! thnx Al

America the Beautiful, or so you used to be.
Land of the Pilgrims' pride; I'm glad they'll never see.
Babies piled in dumpsters, abortion on demand,
Oh, sweet land of liberty, your house is on the sand.
Our children wander aimlessly poisoned by cocaine,
Choosing to indulge their lusts, when God has said abstain.
From sea to shining sea, our nation turns away
From the teaching of God's love and a need to always pray.
So many worldly preachers tell lies about our rock,
Saying God is going broke so they can fleece the flock.
We've kept God in our temples, how callous we have grown.
When earth is but His footstool, and heaven is His throne.
We've voted in a government that's rotting at the core,
Appointing Godless judges who throw reason out the door,
Too soft to place a killer in a well deserved tomb,
But brave enough to kill a baby before he leaves the womb.

You think that God's not angry, that our land's a moral slum?
How much longer will He wait before His judgment comes?
How are we to face our God, from whom we cannot hide?
What then is left for us to do, but stem this evil tide?
If we who are His children, will humbly turn and pray;
Seek His holy face and mend our evil way:
Then God will hear from heaven and forgive us of our sins,
He'll heal our sickly land and those who live within.
But, America the Beautiful, if you don't then you will see,
A sad but Holy God withdraw His hand from thee.
Judge Roy Moore A.L.R.

""White flour"" ,,,, itza "" LIE!!

Your being sold a bill of goods and the sooner you own up to it, the sooner you can begin to move into a better lifestyle.
"White flour is Wheat flour after the good parts are pulled out for pet food. And competition in the food markets , and the deception that white means clean, has fooled us into believin that if our " Food folks" soak our goodies in bleach its better for us.
Flour's not white!!!! Sugar's not white. Salt is not white. It's bleached to make you happy!! Make you choose one brand over another cuz it's "whiter, Cleaner! Funny isn't it?
Regular Wheat bread is not real dark. But If I dump in "caramel color" I get a much deeper richer wheat bread, It's not one wit better, or one bit more nutritious. But our "conditioning" causes us to believe its a better wheat product.
I was a professional Baker for 41 years. I've done all this.
As a young baker I used an "ingredient" called Mycoban , 4 ounces in a 120 loaf batch of white bread. It sat in a bin left of the salt and right of the baking powder. after a couple years of baking I discovered that its poison. I discovered it !! it was never described, explained, or the dangers revealed. but Had I made a mistake ,many could have gotten sick,,,,or worse.
but once in the bread even God couldn't make that white bread mold.
We are drivin by what we've been taught. red meat sells, but before you buy take your selection out away from the pretty lights in the meat case, you might be surprised. Remember the "Marlboro man", many of us still live that struggle.
Fruits n Veggies are dyed to appeal to your expectations, Juices are packed full of sugars because we want a sweet product. bu the truth is most fruit juices are not very sweet, without that bleached sugar.
Many who decide to go healthy are disappointed because "healthy" things don't taste as good as those we used to buy. But instead of buckling under the disappointment, begin to realize what a 'sugar junkie" you have become. Your dependence runs deep, and its not going to be a one step dance back to basics. You get there the same way you got here. One thing at a time. But the first thing is to unlock the mindset that's been your lifestyle for a long time.
Breakfast needs to be Whats here thats good for my body,, not what do we have here that will satisfy my urges. Because those urges are more than likely targeting sugars.
I still remember my first day of city life after growin up on a Minnesota farm. The milk for breakfast cereal was like white water. It was thin and tasteless. Yet after a few weeks the thick, delicious flavored real milk from the barn seperator was forgotten, and "white water became the norm for "milk".
A while back the TV folks made a big deal out of the discovery that many Grocers were displaying huge stacks of eggs out on the floor of their stores. And I was very grateful for that airing. But you need to discover that the local grocer is not your buddy and DOES NOT have your best interest at heart. Good ole common sense needs to be revived, and you need to think about what and where your buying the foods that directly effect how you feel.
I share with folks all the time to buy local and use organic. yet many use the excuse that organics cost more, And its always a chuckle for me because I've experienced the medical side of not stayin healthy. If your not willing to invest a bit more into keeping yourself health, then you need to be educated. And the best education is experience. The trouble is, we are talkin your health, and I'm hopin you get a second chance. We all know those who've not been so lucky.

I'm mad at God today,,,,,,,,,,,,

It's Tuesday, not that that's any big deal. Winter drags on here, and the cold gray Sky's add very little promise to anything but more cold and another winter day. . From the patio I stare out at the apple tree's, straining to see just one new bud,, but nothing. I pretty sure spring passed us by and no one bothered to lock it down. And one more month of this crap, n I'm gonna lose it.

Yesterday was a tough day. Today looks to be no different. Jenny's pains are ramped, and her appetite 's gone. The pain she needs to go through just for a bowel movement is horrendous, many times an enema is needed just to get some relief. But she struggles through,,,only to find more pain and more discomfort on the other side. Just sitting, or laying is a challenge, as tumors press against her skin . I make her food and just the smell turns her stomach. So We abort that and try something fresh hoping to catch onto something she can swallow.

She's constantly hitting the Morphine button and battling the drug to stay awake and Remain functional. And in between ,,eating pills for this pain and that. Pills for nausea, pills for Diarea, pills to counteract the negative effect of other pills. Then pills to cover negative effects that those pills created to counteract the others. It's a never ending game of guessing. Her crying goes right through me, But the great hunter/gatherer who is here to protect her can do nothing but sit and hold her hand.
Prayer after prayer hit the ceiling, then fall back to her bed. And we are left to deal with death and Hell in our own living room.
Yeah, I'm mad at God, none of this makes any sense at all. And that preacher who would put a hand to my shoulder today, and tell me God loves me, stands a very real risk of being re-educated in a Language bent on a trimmin.
But this is where history with the Lord kicks in. As mad and upset as I am with the way this is going I know that there is a day ahead when all will be clear. I know this because I've shook my fist at Him in the past thinking I'd caught him in a lie. And had been shown the answers in the fullness of His time. I have absolutely no idea how this will play out. Mine is the easy part and still it beats me down to watch as the days take their toll on Jenny's body. I know He has a place prepared where she will not hurt anymore. A. . L. R.

"COME ON!!~!< LETS RIDE THE DRUNK BUS!!~!

After Jenny got sick, and I quit Baking for a living. The money got very tight. The city was advertising for a driver for the "College Bus". It didn't seem like to tough a job so i signed on. The Bus was hired by the City to transport the College kids to the bars downtown , then haul their drunkin Butts back after bar close . it was a very Interesting job. also very Risky. Remember the song, "the girls all get prettier at closin time"? Well , That's cuz the eyes iz kinder at Closing time. The town remained quiet for the early hours as everyone was "partaking". But around 10:30 just like clockwork The police and EMT's were buzzing around from bar to bar like little bee's. I started taking a police scanner so I would know where the squad cars were headed as I had to be moving in and out of the downtown area. it was not uncommon to hear one or two calls a night with kids not breathing from Alcohol Poisoning. And I had to watch for drunken kids wondering out in the streets. or see groups peeing on storefronts, or fights on two and three corners simultaneously. And At bar close, they kicked them all out onto the street. When I would round the corner , after "last Call"to the downtown area, It was not uncommon to be rushed by 40 to 50 kids all drunk and all yelling and screaming. Their favorite chant was "Drunk Bus, Drunk Bus"as they clambered on board , some nights 30 passengers over capacity. They literally tried to rock the bus off its wheels more than once, and Many nights i'd have pull the bus over and stop to break up fights , and I've seen blood from my drivers seat to the last window. windows were broken out, And I even had to stop a rape attempt one evening by two guys who had turned into supermen. But everyone turns a blind eye because they, the kids were generating big cash for the local Bigwigs.

My focus was to pick the drunkest guy or gal -n- try to get him/her home before it all came up in the seats. One night I had cleared the Route and gassed the bus before I found someone passed out between the seats, just before putting the bus in a big ole deep dark shed. imagine my drunk friend if he woke in a strange dark barn after a night of heavy partying.

These kids are Our future.!,, Among them, Our Doctors and Health Care Workers. Is it any wonder we can no longer just Trust a Surgeon? Final Exam "packets" are now available Online, and cheap. And far to many are seeking high paying jobs with no concern for their "Oath". Don't get me wrong, We still have some great Medical Folks out there. But The mix is getting thinner. Conventional Medical Docs are "expected to show a good number of "patients" per day. They'll tell you that's not true but its a fact. And the MRI's and CT scans mean an easy 500 dollar "gift" to the prescrib-er . No wonder they use that so often huh??
We need a bottom line Here. Before ya'll start thinkin I live in a berry patch. Things "ain't what they used to Be". The day of just "trusting Professional people is GONE!! Begin to question the Doc. Chk-n see if he's popular Through others. If what He's/She's sayin sounds like it's comin outta the wood pile, or hiz shoes aint on the right feets, look up quick, that's a flag goin off, for your benefit. It's your body , be careful who butchers it. better still find a good Homeopath, and get some more info before you butcher. An who knows, you may like what you hear,............

Guarding against CANCER

With everything from baby foods to cosmetics packed full of poisons. And our water systems being loaded with bacteria. And our homes belching poison gasses from carpets, new furniture and wallboard. It's no longer a question of why cancer shows up as a killer. Once you look into all these things its very easy to just throw up your hands and give up,thinking this is way too complicated. But the fact is it's very treatable using the uniqueness built into our own bodies.
Nutritional supplements and vitamins are very effective when researched and used properly. Even inexpensive when weighed for their value against conventional medical treatment costs.
They've gotten a bad rap from those who choose to listen to the chatter instead of learn for themselves. There are many to choose from but few that meet their purpose. That small capsule not only needs to get inside you, but needs to break down and become absorbed into your system so it can be used. Some states require septic system pumpers to screen out all the little "capsules" before they can dump their truck contents, a direct indicator that you tossed your money right down the toilet.
Vitamins, or nutrients need to be created in such a way as to be bonded,or attached to a natural substance that can be readily absorbed through the stomach into the cell structure of your body as the capsule is absorbed. There to be used by your immune system to rebuild your health. So, two things need to happen for you to benefit from your investment. The capsule needs to be made of a material that will breakdown in the stomach, and have within it the capability to travel into your cell structure. anything less and you may as well spend yur buck on a burrito.
The evidence of a good supplement is fairly easy. You'll feel better, and possess more energy. Body function will change as well as appetite and even attitude.
Melaleuca provides an impressive supplement system that has a patented absorption system and I've found it to be very effective. I'm sure there are more out there but I've researched this one and am completely satisfied.
But the purpose of this post is to share good information to help you feel better and live healthy. if your feeding your immune System well, it will be at work for you keeping you disease free.

"Lets TALK ABOUT BREASTS

I thought a long time on how to address this issue using a more delicate Language or word that didn't offend anyone. But I'm a fella, and worse yet, I've heard all the locker room "stuff'" many times over. And the guys are gonna be guys any way I print this. But its a very important post if I can convince you to check it out, As I think there is help out there if I'm able to get you to think a little.
So, lets get it out. breasts, I for one reelee like um!!, fact izz, I have for a long long time. I think God knew that when He formed women , and made her desirous to men.
The breast cancer fear in women is global, and strikes fear in the hearts and minds of many many gals. And I don't believe it has to be. My wife struggled each time she would have to go for a mammogram because it caused much pain, and I remember going along and seeing the tears in a women who never cried. And after the tests, cancer took her in 1996.
Many cancers seem to park the tumors in the limpf nodes under the arm and develop lumps in the breast itself. My wife went through both physical pain as well as psychological issues at the removal of her breasts followed by the pain and disappointment of re-construction.
Ladies Listen. There is a test called the AMAS Test that monitors your Immune System and it's activity. The tests was created in the early 90's and is 95 percent effective in Preventing cancer. It is documented in the American Medical Associations journal of that year and is supported by facts. You don't hear of it from Conventional Medical folks for obvious reasons. but it measures immunal activity that can detect cancer YEARS before it can get to the lump stage.
It will require that you get involved in monitoring your own health issues through a Natural Medicine Professional but you would then be in control. I have taken this test when I had Bladder Cancer now 5 years ago. its a simple pee test that's painless. how much easier can it get?
be good to yourselves and check it out. you can be free of the fear. if I can help just e-mail and I'll get you more info. in fact, I addressed it in an earlier blog under AMAS test. Jenny and I have struggled long in this cancer fight, and you can reap the benefits , if you'll just begin to think on your own.. Gods Very best SSNUFFY

Serious azza Heart Attack

I've never been big on forgiveness. to be honest, it's always been a pretty petty issue. If you got a problem , deal with it. Just keep it in your own yard n leave me out of it. But often, bitter people are a pain in the butt and i didn't want to come off as a crab so i played it middle of the road. I tucked the bitter parts way down deep. deep enough so as not to show, but still in reach so i could chew on em from time to time. Stuck a big ole grin up front n nobody was the wiser,,,or were they.
life, is a rating game. weather your willing to admit it or not is a separate issue. we compare ourselves with everyone. look at what she does, or at least I don't act like him. or , I could never do that. Forever searching to raise myself a little higher than "those folks".
We are really a peculiar people if you take a little time to think on it. Stress is literally killing us off by the numbers now. New studies are coming forth every few days pointing to stress as the underlying key linking itself to Heart trouble, Cancer and the list keeps building. Come to think of it even God mentioned it in that dusty old book settin over there on the unused end of the bookshelf. But we all know no one reelee believes any of that stuff anyway,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.
Forgiveness plays a huge role in our stress level. and it's free. Forgiveness causes much more harm to those who wont forgive than it ever could to the offender, God said it, not me. Go blame him if your not happy.
It's all very simple if you care to check it out. You are Gods Child, created in His image. designed by your Creator to function in a world he created. pee n Moan, kick n holler, scream if you like, it all comes out in the wash. Man,,,(and woman), have lived and died according to the laws that govern this world since Time began, and it will remain so until He calls the game ended. If this was your game, we'd be playin by your rules, Hence,,,,,,,,,
Your days are numbered, governed by the way you decide to run your life. I'm excited , now that I've gotten to know the Lord. But I still don't wanna be on the next load goin north. So I'm learning to follow directions.
It tickles me when "fellow Believers" point at one of my Sins and thumb their noses , cuz God already told me that we all have a basketful of our own, enough to keep us busy right here at home. and I have little trouble "reminding " folks when the question comes up. My Sins go a long ways in reminding me that we all screw up. And it takes the fire away from any notion to not forgive a brother or sister for, being human.
Don't tell me your particular incident is different. They are all covered in scripture. Its Either Gods way, or your way, and quit frankly any other game is not played here.
Gods not coming back to judge the world. Hes coming to judge YOU. And unless you have an Ace your not showin, this is on You!!~!
Judgement will be Final. And the answer,,, just a prayer away. A. L. R.

"THE JOURNEY"

We really are not much better than the proverbial Ostrich when it comes to Life . I'm more convinced of that now than ever before. Each Generation moves a little bite farther away from things that are not fun until now if it even sounds like something not fun we just turn away.
Common sense comes in many flavors now. If one doesn't suit well , just find one that does. 40 Years ago if "shep'" quit goin down to git the cows he lost his job,,, permanently. Today we'd be more apt to find him a good "dog shrink." I'm an old guy, and at 60 that correlation is a hard swing. Much of today's "stuff" just doesn't gel with my "growin up" Butchering was a way of life for us. When it was time for meat, one of the herd needed to be slaughtered. Dad took the gun ,and shot the steer. While Mom stood ready to cut the throat and stir the blood as the animal bled out. If you were an old enough Son it was your job to help carry meat to the summer kitchen.
Recently, I took an adult Son along as we butchered some pigs. To me, it was just another butchering day. But the shock on my Son's face shocked me more than I can say. While he stuck with his dad I had been given a very clear picture of how awful this was for him.
I share that word picture to show comparison from then to now. and it covers my point of avoiding discomfort.
The journey through this cancer battle has had many many uncomfortable moments, many scary times . And we went from having a life full of hopes and dreams to having absolutely nothing but tests, appointments and procedures. And as we learned and grew in our knowledge about Cancer and disease in general. I though, we need to share this. We now have many of the key points and reasons why this happens. And we need to be responsible and provide it so others don't have to go through this.
So I designed a website and pay to keep it out there. With years of absolute personal current data to support my words and give hope to those in struggle.
This, and many of today's Epidemic diseases can absolutely be avoided by changing the diet, flat out!! no question!!~!.
yet I'm finding that folks would rather not face it. Many write to ask questions but it's the ones who have been told that its their cancer and now THEIR disease.
Once it grabs you, its a new game. And the race to the end is all consuming. A subject that held no interest and turned them away last week has now become devastating burden to consume every waking moment.
I've had cancer. And I gotta tell ya, being set in those stirrups, and having a Nurse your daughters age "messin" with parts best left covered. Then shoving a garden hose up into your body thru an opening NOT made for that purpose, is not an experience most would enjoy.
God has provided you with a very resilient body. But constant abuse will bring it down. I urge you to look at what your eating. and find out how to avoid disease by taking care of your health.
The purpose of this blog is to inform you. The website is canceranswersthatheal.com , one word.
My e-mail is alroth@hbci.com. we can help, and what a privilege it would be to help you avoid Sickness and disease. Gods very Best SSNUFFY

""WHERE's DA BEEF!!~!

At the age of 60, I’m thinking maybe I’m starting to wise up a bit. A twelve year battle with Cancer has revealed lots of “stuff”that’s really not adding up. There is no better way to learn stuff than a flat out crash coarse in stayin alive. The Marlboro Man started it all but it goes lots deeper than that. I’ve learned that Floride is a poison. And Municipal water supplies are held at a “tolerable” level of bacteria. And all those shampoo’s, crèmes, n mousses, Deodorants, sprays n meds , are stuffed full of things like Formaldehyde, Ammonia, bleach and many other “toxins, snuck in there for “my benefit. So each day all that “stuff” iz oozing into my body as my Immune system tries desperately to stay in balance. I used to wonder how folks got things like Cancer. But now, 12 years later I wonder how anyone avoids it. Thirty years ago the chances were something like one in forty would contact some form of the disease, Today it’s very close to one in two.
It’s taken me some time but I’ve found a place to find alternates to all that stuff, and I’d be happy to share that info if you e-mail or call. But I think we all need a heads up on things as we move forward with life.
My wife’s cancer has been a challenge; it’s progression a real struggle as the disease spreads limiting her mobility. Luckily we had Insurance so I was able to get her a wheelchair. My own disability caused issues with loading and unloading her chair for her weekly Chemo appointments so a friend suggested contacting the American Cancer Society, You know, those folks who boldly ask for your MILLIONS EVERY YEAR. The gal on the phone told me to give her my Insurance and Medicare numbers and she’d “Help Me “ find help. I politely told her I still had most of my faculties and had already gone that rout. And just needed a hand to get my wife to and from her appointments as lifting her as well as her chair into the van was a tax on my disability. She shared her sorrow and concerns but informed me she could not help any further as they just didn’t have the funding. At least two more times during these past years I’ve called them to see if we could get some help. But Alas, Alas they too are struggling. Jenny’s disease has progressed to no weight bearing and loading and unloading her has been a real challenge. At one point my brother stepped in to help weld me a carrier for her chair. As we progressed I was able to buy a used van to get Her inside for the winter trips. I want everyone to know we are doing ok. I’m not whining for help and God has been blessing our steps.
But I think we need to re-think and examine the credibility of those who claim to be working on our behalf. Jen’s Medical bills keep us pretty strapped, but still I can usually find a few bucks if we see a need somewhere. I was able to take a used cargo rack and weld on a ramp that does the job for less than 50 bucks. So our needs have been met. But it should be made known that this Great “Society”, rooted and grounded in the donations of millions could do NOTHING??? By the way ,at the time of this writing an Ad was placed in the Winona Daily Newspaper. It seems the ACS, those same folks who were sooooo strapped for cash were advertising an Assistant District Managers position, open in his area. Salary, 80 grand,, with “perks”
These 12 years have been a struggle, and we did it on our own and the donations from real people of the area. And to those folks we are eternally grateful . But The American Cancer Society could do nothing! something is very wrong. And the next time I’m approached for a donation I will ask why. I think we need to ask, Where are all those dollars going “? Allen l. Rothering 507-689-2401
Since the above writing and as a post script fair is fair. In our 12th year of this battle The American Cancer Society gave us a 50 dollar gas card to help with a long series of daily radiation treatments. And we remain grateful for that help A. L. R.

I'm alive,,,,,And she's dying,,,,,,,,

3 Am is a quiet hour. a dim glow from the yardlight outside reaches in through a set of old blinds .It offers just enough light to press the dark away and lite the room. The cat , deep in sleep is streached out on the chair while the two dogs lay close, resting and dreaming the dreams that dogs dream.
A heavy quilt holds me captive and a soft pillow cradles my only exposed part. In my quiet slumber a voice breaks the silence . my mind, deep in slumber attempts to process but the result is a slow drift back to where i was. Then again the voice cracks, only louder now and pulls me from my sleep. "help me Butch"" I need the bedpan",,,,,,,,,,,,, A part of me is awake, and recognizes the voice but my mottled brain drags heavy remembering the warm quilt and soft pillow. My mind wrestles the thoughts invading my sleep until I succumb to the need . As I toss off the warm quilt im invaded by the cool of the morning and sleep, however blissful is now just a memory . It's still 3 AM and I'm still tired, but duty calls.
SO,,,,,I think i'll stop now. I think everyone can Imagine the bedpan and,, THE rest of the story.
The purpose of this is to outline the need for caregivers to share. Obviously there is the cancer battle, and it holds Priority. but there is a huge amount of anxiety surrounding those giving care. When She crys out in pain i'm helpless. and the "please Help Me Butch" pleading s cause me to wring my hands in helpless jestjer of defeat.. I'd like to go someplace and bawl my eyes out. I can feel it there but it just wont come. I'm alive, But she's dying. Somdays the guilt is all consuming. Oh, you can rationalize , but the days build one on another until the guilt become GUILT and once again I need to label it and tuck it away. this is really a silent battle. Played behind the stage of the Feature. But an undaunting struggle to those in care. I know there are groups to join, but this job is 24/7 folks. I get a sitter so I can go Wednesday's for groceries.
I'm not complaining. I believe we are givin tasks by the King of kings . and this is mine, for now. I also know that He is sustaining me. As I could not do this without Him. The purpose is to you, my reader.
There are caregivers all around you. Become aware of their struggles, Lend a hand. be the much needed relief they need and deserve. One of my most treasured moments now is nice salad in the local McDonalds parking lot. A peaceful half hour undesturbed on my Wednesday outing. I cant begin to tell you the value I place on that half hour.
Well she is waking, and its time for her bath so i'll close. Be Blessed, and in my comments understand how blessed you really are.. gods very Best,,, SSNUFFY

Hangin ,,,,,,by a thread

Life Sucks,,,,,n then yu die. I remember the first time i heard that lil Phrase. It was funny. It was maybe a little bit rough but the image of its meaning rang true. I never figured to own it, But it's fittin pretty snug right now.
Early in my christian walk the struggle through lots of religous junk to find a real God was challenging. 50 different Doctorins, and thousands of churches, and somewhere in the midst my search to answer the question of weather or not there really was a God.
Well , I found Him somwhere around 40 years ago now. And our relationship was pretty rocky for a while. He's a hard task master, and I, well i had and still have a very hard head. I remember a very tough time when it seemed like He wasn't even listening. He was just letting me fight the fight alone. It was early fall i was alone at home feeling sorry for my self. And I remember shaking my fist at him and yelling, "You say I am blessed then show me my blessings"",,, now yelling at the King of Kings is not your best idea. and as wisdom returned I waited, for the thunder. But silence followed. And shortly after each and every blessing I had was clearly shown to me. And I never again questioned The Master. Oh, There were tough times ahead, but I always had the knowledge that I wasn't alone. And each challenge was met with a new confidence.
today I find myself on the other end of those 40 years. The journey to this point in time has produced many blessings as well as miricles. And I own a very good witness to Gods awesome power.
But today also finds me at a very low place where i feel very far away from God. I've been givin the task of caring for a wife of 40 years who's dying of cancer. And a more helpless job will never be found. As Men we are brought up to protect and defend. But I've met a foe that cannot be found. He inflicts pain and sickness and im helpless to challenge him. She fights the fight and my most effective weapon is to hold her hand. Cancer has destroyed her body and I watch her die daily. Each morning that she's stable I lift her to her chair, give her a bath and fix her a meal. life for us both ended 12 years ago, and each new day requires that we go through the motions . i try to fix meals with nutritional value only to find she's not able to eat. My prayers went from faith filled petitions for her healing to please end her suffering and leave her to her final sleep. The silence in this house is deafening as the morphine coarsed her veins in an attempt to control the pain. She wakes abruptly in the middle of the night to pain and nausea, or the speedy need for the bedpan. and her days are filled with much the same. I have the easy part and struggle with it daily. ,,,,,,,,,,,,And God is silent.
My mind swirls in this struggle to understand. How can a God say He loves us and allow one of his own to hurt like this? And why would He not end her suffering and take her to that better place.
Except for knowing Him, and sharing the experiences he's provided. I would lose it, no question at all. For lifes value has deminished greatly.
But the thread remains that was established in my conversion, and memory of His goodness and His word seem to sustain me. Please Pray for us both . SSNUFFY